Wife: Can u explain how this lipstick got on your collar? Husband: No I cant. I distinctly remember taking my shirt off

Wife: How many women have you slept with? Husband: Only you, Darling... with all the others I was awake....

First Husband: "My wife's an angel!" Second Husband: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

On 2018-07-27 09:28:21 Stormpie @ Sense-unique said:
Thanks for making me laugh today!!!! You should get those boners checked out not good for your health;)

Also think so .. what time are you available ;)

On 2018-07-27 09:41:32 BOOBS53 said:
On 2018-07-27 09:28:21 Stormpie @ Sense-unique said: Thanks for making me laugh today!!!! You should get those boners checked out not good for your health;)

Also think so .. what time are you available ;)

11:45???? Phone gits ASAP!!! LOL;)

With permission from my wingman !!!

Sex jokes ain't funny ... I mean cum on people !!!

I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live.

So I shot him.

Judge gave me 30 years !!!

Took this lady out last night and she ordered the most expensive items on the menu. I thought you money grabbing bitch, I said "Does your mother feed you like that at home ?

She replied " No but my mother's not expecting a blowjob and a shag tonight !!

I said " Good point, Bon appetit !!!

A Russian Man went for an eye Test. The Doctor showed him letters on a board : CZWENQSTAZKY
Doctor : Can you read this?
Man : Read it? I even know the guy, he is my cousin

A married woman entered a Pharmacy, she walked to the Pharmacist looked straight into his eyes and said: 'I would like to buy FAST KILLING POISON FOR HUMANS'.
The bewildered Pharmacist asked: 'Why, what for? The lady replied: 'I need it to poison my husband'.
The Pharmacist shouted: 'Lord have mercy, it's against the law! It's a sin.'
Absolutely not! shouted the lady. She reached into her bag and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the Pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and screamed: 'Why didn't you tell me you had a Prescription....

Some Actual writings in Mpumalanga Hospital


1. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant
with only 11kgs weight gain in the past three days.
5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. The patient refused autopsy.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Best of the week:
Hahaha. You'll love this.

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warnedher, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.

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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

Moral of the story: Women think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

Note: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!