A farmer buys a young cock,as soon as he gets it home it fucks all the Farmers 150 hens.the farmer is impressed, at lunch the cock again screws all 150 hens
Next day,it's fucking the ducks and the geese too.Sadly later in the day,he finds the cock lying on the ground half dead and vultures circling overhead.Farmers says,you deserved it.You horny bastard!The cock opens one eye,points up and says SHHHHHHHHH They're about to land!!"

An old lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs. The dentist said, "Excuse me, but I'm not a gynecologist." "I know," said the old lady. "I want you to take my husband's teeth out

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that tiny hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to slip the dying worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from Grandma

Why did the Physics teacher break up with the Biology teacher ?



There was no Chemistry :)

What did the judge say to the dentist ?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth!!!!

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall...The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

"You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

"Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

What's the best thing about Alzheimer's disease?

You get to meet new people every day!

[long joke alert]
Two guys are in crawling in the desert, been lost and without water for many hot days. Eventually they see a village (luckily a real one, not a mirage) and manage to crawl into the market place. They go up the first stall, and beg for water. Stall-holder says Sorry, no water, but I do have these lovely puddings with fruit and sponge cake, and cream and sprinkles on top... They say, no, we really just need water, and crawl off to the next stall.

He, too, only seems to have lovely puddings with exotic fruit and boudoir biscuits, and ice cream and sprinkled with 100s and 1000s. No,we need water, we'll try the next guy...

The next stall has no water, just superb puddings with fresh cream and lots of fruit, on a sponge cake base and garnished with chocolate flakes and what not.

Soon they've been to every stall in the market, no water to be had, just puddings made of cream and fruit and biscuits and garnished with 100s and 1000s so they give up, and head back into the desert to try find another village.

The one guy says to the other, that was really weird, every stall there in the market having no water, just exotic puddings with fruits and cream and sponge cake, and boudoir biscuits and so on.

Other guy replies, Ja, it was a trifle bazaar.
[/long joke alert]

So the dr tells a guy
Look either ur wife has Alzheimer's or she has AIDS
the guy says Doc what must I do
The dr replies
Drive her out to the edge of the city
If she finds her way home
Don't fuck her

Yesterday I dropped my phone so hard, two of my contacts are in hospital.