Q: What do you call a Serbian prostitute?
A: Sloberdown Mycockyoubitch

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get a stiffy. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE...UUUUH!" all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I just couldn't get a hard on." The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the bed!!!"

This guy was walking down the street and this hooker says, "Say, wanna have a good time?" "Sure," he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her.

She says, "Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled out of one?" The guy says, "Nope, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into."

Save the best for LAST.......

One day a hooker went to file her taxes, and for occupation she put prostitution. The tax collector explained that prostitution was an illegal occupation. She said she'd have to go home and think about it and that she'd call him back in a hour with her occupation. An hour later she called him and said, "I've got it... I'm a chicken farmer."

He said, "How do you get chicken farmer out of prostitution." She said, "I raised over a thousand cocks last year."

A prisoner escapes from prison after 15 years. On his run he breakers into a home and is heard by the couple living there who get up to investigate. They are caught by prisoner and tied up. The prisoner then goes to the wife and gets down on his knees and kisses her in the neck and then gets up and goes to the bathroom. The husband tells his wife that the burglar is wearing a orange overall and looks like he may be dangerous but since he had kissed her in the neck that maybe if she obliged the prisoner and had sex with him then their lives would be spared. The husband tells her to be strong and that he loves her but just to let it happen. The wife says to her husband that the prisoner was not kissing her her on the neck but telling her that he was gay and that he thought her husband was extremely sexy and had just gone to the bathroom to get some lube. The wife told her husband that she loved him and to be strong and to let the prisoner have his way to spare there lives.

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon prepares to see each other naked for the first time. The husband exposes his knotted and twisted feet. He explains, "I had tolio as a child." The wife asks if he means polio. He says, "No, it only affects the toes." He removes his pants and reveals deformed knees. He admits, "I had kneesles, too." Finally, he pulls off his boxers. In shock, the woman gasps, "Oh no...smallcox, too!"

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever" "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well son, a woman goes through three phases, in her 20's, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's and 40's, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions." "Onions?" The son asks. Yes you see them and they make you cry.
This infuriates his wife and daughter, the daughter asks, "mom. How many diffirent kind of willies are there? The mother smiles and says, "well dear, a man goes through three phases,also in his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard, in his 30s and 40s, its like a birch, flexible but reliable, after his 50s, its like a christmas tree, "A Christmas tree? The daughter asks, Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.

An old mountaineer and his young ex-wife were fighting over custody of their children. The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them. The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"

Just the other day there was a break-in at our local Pharmacy. The owner discovered that several boxes of Viagra were missing. Cops are now on the lookout for Hardened criminals..........