On 2023-08-06 22:52:24 Leila B (shemale Seductress) said:
***WHAT'S IN A NAME?***

So I've been thinking of a name change ("sex-change" ... no thanks, for now).

I have been LeilaB since I joined this Purple World, and TBH, I've had it with Leila effen B ... Hahaha. She has become the tail wagging the dog.

So, I have been considering some options. I love wordplay, so maybe just swop the L and the B around ... Beila Lee? Hmmmmm ... Maybe Bailey Lee? Nah.

Maybe a different spelling of LEILA? LAYLA maybe? Then I would be LaylaB. Cum up to the Lay-laB and let's have fun on the Slay-SlaB :)))))))))))))))))))))

Maybe LOREAL? Because I'm worth it :)
Lame, I know :-P

Now the next option I like for a few reasons. Firstly, some callers don't know how to pronounce LEILA (Arabic version). Some call me Lee-lah, others say Lye-lah. But, I am ERIC CLAPTON's LAYLA ... "Got me on my knees LAYLA, begging darling please LAYLA, Layyyylaaaaaaaa..."

I wonder what ERIC CLAPTON was doing down on his knees infront of his LAYLA? I digress.

Another reason to change to this option, is because some callers wish to be as detached AF and to merely see me (escorts) as an object, a means to an end. So, I will get, "can I speak to the shemale?" (NOT recommended) ... or "hi baby" ... or "hey sweety" (slightly vomit inducing) ... or just a cold disregard for any name or title.

Sometimes I get, "Hello Sexy". I can go for that one. Infact, I like "SEXY". And that's my other name option ... *SeXY*. Note the spelling - capital XY. Chromosomes. That's one of the arguments transphobes use when hating and discriminating. "You can't change your chromosomes!" No, you can't, but you can't see chromosomes either.

My favourite so far is *SeXY*. I can just imagine all the fun; "Hi, this is SeXY speaking, what can I do for/to you?" Or, "Hi, can I speak to SeXY please?" ... "SeXY speaking, hellooooo ... "

Bye-bye :-)
xxx

On 2024-05-16 16:05:30 Leila B (shemale Seductress) said:
On 2023-08-06 22:52:24 Leila B (shemale Seductress) said: ***WHAT'S IN A NAME?***

So I've been thinking of a name change ("sex-change" ... no thanks, for now). Looove it. From now onwards every time I hear that song I will think the lovely you.

I have been LeilaB since I joined this Purple World, and TBH, I've had it with Leila effen B ... Hahaha. She has become the tail wagging the dog.

So, I have been considering some options. I love wordplay, so maybe just swop the L and the B around ... Beila Lee? Hmmmmm ... Maybe Bailey Lee? Nah.

Maybe a different spelling of LEILA? LAYLA maybe? Then I would be LaylaB. Cum up to the Lay-laB and let's have fun on the Slay-SlaB :)))))))))))))))))))))

Maybe LOREAL? Because I'm worth it :)
Lame, I know :-P

Now the next option I like for a few reasons. Firstly, some callers don't know how to pronounce LEILA (Arabic version). Some call me Lee-lah, others say Lye-lah. But, I am ERIC CLAPTON's LAYLA ... "Got me on my knees LAYLA, begging darling please LAYLA, Layyyylaaaaaaaa..."

I wonder what ERIC CLAPTON was doing down on his knees infront of his LAYLA? I digress.

Another reason to change to this option, is because some callers wish to be as detached AF and to merely see me (escorts) as an object, a means to an end. So, I will get, "can I speak to the shemale?" (NOT recommended) ... or "hi baby" ... or "hey sweety" (slightly vomit inducing) ... or just a cold disregard for any name or title.

Sometimes I get, "Hello Sexy". I can go for that one. Infact, I like "SEXY". And that's my other name option ... *SeXY*. Note the spelling - capital XY. Chromosomes. That's one of the arguments transphobes use when hating and discriminating. "You can't change your chromosomes!" No, you can't, but you can't see chromosomes either.

My favourite so far is *SeXY*. I can just imagine all the fun; "Hi, this is SeXY speaking, what can I do for/to you?" Or, "Hi, can I speak to SeXY please?" ... "SeXY speaking, hellooooo ... "

Bye-bye :-)
xxx


____________________________________________



I think I finally found it ... My New Name ... LOLA ... L-O-L-A ... lol

One of my very sweet, mature clients sang this song to me. It's a classic by THE KINKS (a song about a Tgirl) ... m.youtube.com/watch


Here are the lyrics:

I met her in a club down in old Soho
Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like Coca-Cola
C-O-L-A, Cola
She walked up to me and she asked me to dance
I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said, "Lola"
L-O-L-A, Lola
Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola
Well, I'm not the world's most physical guy
But when she squeezed me tight, she nearly broke my spine
Oh, my Lola
Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola
Well, I'm not dumb, but I can't understand
Why she walks like a woman and talks like a man
Oh, my Lola
Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola
Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola
Well, we drank champagne and danced all night
Under electric candlelight
She picked me up and sat me on her knee
She said, "Little boy, won't you come home with me?"
Well, I'm not the world's most passionate guy
But when I looked in her eyes, well, I almost fell for my Lola
Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola
Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola
Lola
Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola
Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola
I pushed her away
I walked to the door
I fell to the floor
I got down on my knees
Well, I looked at her, and she at me
Well, that's the way that I want it to stay
And I always want it to be that way for my Lola
Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola
Girls will be boys and boys will be girls
It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world
Except for Lola
Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola
Well, I'd left home just a week before
And I'd never, ever kissed a woman before
Lola smiled and took me by the hand
She said, "Little boy, gonna make you a man"
Well, I'm not the world's most masculine man
But I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man
And so is Lola
Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola
Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola




Yours Transsexually,
L-O-L-A


Ps: Please do check out my other Seductive thread ... www.esa.co.za/forum/thread.php

On 2024-04-28 23:14:42 Leila B (shemale Seductress) said:
Here is an informative, eye-opening piece written by one of my favourite YouTubers KAT BLAQUE.


Interesting as ever Miss LeilaB. I would place myself closer to nr. 4. Exploring the tgirl world has been an incredible and rewarding journey down the rabbit hole for myself. I enjoy the erotocism. My only regret is not starting sooner and missing out on all those fascinating, beautiful beings from past days. I'm sorry I did not take the chance to appreciate the old Hillbrow scene, which was a treasure trove once for the local industry. Anyway, we are still blessed with a lovely selection of ladies to choose from. To be honest it was the porn industry that truly enlightened me to this amazing scene. A porn shop I visited in Rosebank had quite a nice selection of posters on its walls featuring various beautiful tgirl pornstars. I did a doubletake on seeing and was blown away. Been sold ever since. I have the aesthetic standards of porn to thank for my aporeciation. If I could rewind and was ever talented enough to work in porn it would be tgirls for me, whether acting, filming or producing. Fortunately my experiences have been good ones and I have met some remarkable gurls.
___________________________________


" I think I'm cute. Although I may have had my own struggles with insecurities, and my transition may have occasionally informed those insecurities, from a very young age, I was always the kind of person who walked past a mirror and found something to appreciate. However, while that may be true, it's also true that I live in a society that simply does not agree on many levels, and for a very long time, I felt that despite how I felt, I was too black, too dark, too fat and too trans to be loved the way I felt I deserved. So, in my youth, I allowed a lot of men (because, yes, they were men, and I was often still a child) to inform my vision of self to the point where my standards were so low that I accepted behavior from men that I wouldn't come close to entertaining now. I took trains, I lied to my friends and family, and put my safety at risk on more than one occasion just to experience what was often a private and secretive sexual relationship with a man who of course, had a valid reason for keeping our relationship secret. It was the day after I was asked by a guy to lay flat in the bed of his truck as he pulled into a deserted trailer park for fear that someone would see us together that I finally realized I deserved much more. And since I made the decision to no longer share my body privately with men who cannot claim it publicly, my romantic life has improved dramatically... but my trauma persists.

Transfeminine people live within an inherent contradiction: two stark realities in which we are both desired and reviled. For some, we embody the failure of manhood. An ultimate perversion and subversion of all the patriarchal ideals that we've known. For others, we embody a figure of beauty that is deified. So transgender women experience a world where they'll struggle finding a job at McDonalds but won't struggle finding a rich man who is willing to fund their transitions as long as they're willing to exploit themselves to give said men their shemale fantasy. I feel alienated by both of these realities and something I've come to discover is that many people struggle to comprehend transgender women as being real people, with real experiences, real histories, who really do live their lives as their genders. We are often the crude party trick teenage boys play with each other. "Do you think she's hot?", and if you answer yes, you're gay cuz she's got a dick. Our realities are minimized to repulsion and fetishism and if you know anything about the latter, you know the former goes hand in hand.

When I say people struggle to comprehend our realities, what I mean is they tend to often view us as an idea, a trick or a deliberate nuisance. It's not that I, like every other human that experiences sexual desire, have romantic and sexual relationships. It's that I masquerade as a woman in order to trick and fool good heterosexual men, who'd otherwise want nothing to do with me. My actual reality is that I move through the world in a way where my transness never really comes up outside of conversations with people I'm intimate with, or in conversations with friends and colleagues. Men hit on me quite a bit when I go out and if I'm interested, I'll tell them that I'm transgender and my experience isn't what many would assume. Society would like to believe that each time a man approaches me, he's completely averse to my transness. In my experience while most heterosexual men may fully exclude transgender women from their dating pool, many of the men who've approached me aren't really turned off by me being transgender. In fact, there have been more than a few situations where it made me more interesting to them. I guess for me, while I understand that my transness is shocking to many people who've never interacted with a transgender woman, at 33 years old, I've lived a long life and I've spent my entire adult life as an out trans woman who is typically read as cis. At a certain point, it becomes kinda pedestrian to say over and over again "i'm a woman and most of the men who pursue me are straight" because that's what I'd argue most women, cis or trans experience. We live in a society that says femininity is a performance to be consumed by heterosexual men, so of course that's going to be who pursues me the most. And despite the fact that I have a strong preference for bi or pansexual men, I've had my longest term relationships with heterosexual men. That's not a badge of honor or a validation of my gender, it's just...what it is. But some people quite literally can't imagine this to be the case and most people don't know enough trans people to otherwise understand just how common that is. Contrary to what many would like to believe, I've never been able to attract men seeking other men and most of the men who pursue me do not use the label "bisexual" to describe themselves and none of them have described themselves as gay. And honestly, that's a shame because gay men are often cuter and bi men often more emotionally intelligent than the average straight man. But still, my romantic life is painfully straight. And honestly, the only intimate partners of mine that have wanted to masculinize me are white men who racially fetishize me.

I think I'm boring. Sure, maybe I'm a polyamorous goth who is kinky, who is also an artist, who is also a Youtuber, who is also a community organizer, who is also a public speaker, but I think I'm pretty boring. I don't live the crazy life conservatives seem to think I do where everything I do is predicated by being transgender and I don't spookily lurk the halls looking to spread my (well-funded) woke agenda to the masses. I exist in this body, as I am, and this body has history. This body has trauma. Trauma that is exacerbated by these two realities, how I process them internally, and how others process me.

Contrary to the common narrative that transgender women are not and could never be desirable, I have always had to navigate the aggressive ways in which men express their desire for me. Even after no longer entertaining DL men, I have always had men who were interested in me in some way, and I've dated many people over the years; more than I should have. However, one of my primary sources of anxiety is why a man may be interested in me specifically. How do they feel about feel about transgender women? Because I've discovered that men fall into a few camps.

1) Some men are attracted to transgender women because they fetishize them. Every few months, they need their tranny fix and they don't really identify with it at all. They have no desire to ever publicly acknowledge that they are in a relationship with a trans woman; and by "relationship", I mean "fucking them in their apartment consistently".
2) Some men are "curious," and they're in the process of questioning their own sexuality. They're not entirely sure they like transgender women, and they are often otherwise quite awkward with cis women. They will connect very well socially with trans women but will either not pursue them or will and will very quickly change their mind. Sometimes even ghost.
3) Some men see trans women and cis women as only marginally different... but often this comes with the caveat that she must "pass". And for him, the only difference is the plumbing, and he really doesn't care about that
4) Some men are no longer holding themselves to heterosexuality and are therefore liberated from the societal pressure that would make dating a transgender woman a daunting task. They are fully indifferent to the opinions of others, and they date who they date with no input from anyone.
5) Some men are able to acknowledge that transgender women are attractive, but do not want to be physical with them.
6) Some men will never date, sleep with or socialize with a transgender woman as they view them as inherently offensive and repulsive.

I tend to primarily date men in group 3, but I prefer the men in group 4. However, the men in groups 1 and 2 have done a pretty severe number on me to the point where it's really sabotaged a lot of my relationships. I think what I've desired the most is clear communication about where someone is at, but because most men are never in a situation where they interact directly with a transgender woman, they will struggle to process their attractions immediately and the relationship escalator is very different. What's often bothered me is men have often made me feel like this complicated thing that must be processed over long periods of time and many of them have lied to me or perhaps not been honest enough with themselves to be directly honest with me about how they really feel. What i've often gotten is some variation of "I'm going through a lot right now and I don't want to be with anyone, but maybe one day". And they like to keep that back door open instead of being honest about how they feel.Speaking frankly, I think far too many men become so fixated on not wanting to be seen like a bad guy that they never quite say it. They never quite say "hey, I'm not interested in you" or "I'm honestly only interested in having sex with you because you are transgender, and I don't date trans women. Honesty hurts, but in retrospect, if men were more upfront about how they felt and didn't lie to me about some complicated circumstance that makes it hard for them to date me, despite apparently wanting to, I would have saved a lot of heartbreak. I would have been given the chance to move onto men who were interested in treating me how I deserved instead of holding out hope that things would one day change. It's interesting to me how these days, men who try to put me in that position don't even really register anymore because I love myself enough not to entertain these types of men. But they still linger..

I hope this doesn't sound like bragging, but I have a long line of admirers. Men who are solidly in group 2. Who admires me, likes every picture I post, comments on and engages with every status update, but never had the guts to actually try to pursue me. They'll ask me out on dates but will never commit to a day. They'll tell me they're not in the place to date but get engaged to a cis woman a week later. These men will be amorous towards me, but their own self-doubt and processing will prevent them from ever really taking that step. Most of them are just guys that appreciate me from afar, but some of them have lied to me to cover up their insecurities.

There's one I still keep in contact with who, today, has a rainbow flag emoji and "queer ally" in their bio. I met him many years ago online. After a month of talking, we were supposed to go on a date. The night of our date, he called me to tell me that he doesn't want to date me anymore because he wants kids one day and I'll never be able to give him that. I was devastated at the time. I really liked this guy, and he made me feel like he was very interested in being with me. Years later, we reconnected, and he was dating this cis woman who he'd complain to me about all the time. When they eventually broke up, he tried to pursue me, and he told me that what he said in the past was a lie. That he said it as an excuse because he wasn't ready to go on a date with a transgender woman.Mind you, when I say this devastated me, I mean, it really really hurt me. It has been hard to process that someone could be attracted to me in a genuine way, but then also completely reject me for something I can't change. But he'd told me he's grown since. He's ready now. So, like a fool, I entertain the idea of making up for lost time and he gets back with his girlfriend before we manage to get to the first date.

When you're a transgender woman, it's almost like you're let into a side of the world that isn't visible to many other people. You are approached by these men who are in robust relationships with cis women but desire sexual access to transgender women. Most of the DL men who contacted me weren't just in relationships, but they were married. Often with kids. So, you see a side of men where they're willing to completely betray a woman who, in so many ways, has everything you'll often idealize. And in that, it becomes clear that what you idealize isn't ideal at all.

Growing up, I wanted to get married, have children, and live the life my parents lived: safe, suburban, clean, and family-oriented. I don't really want that now, but I idealized it a lot when I was younger. I had to process both my desires to do that as a young woman and my social and medical transition at the same time. I wanted to meet a man, fall in love, get engaged, get married and live that idealized life, but I think time demonstrated to me how much i don't want that and how false that image of suburban perfection really is.

A lot of men have lied to me to my face. They've told me things that were not true to make me vulnerable so they could get what they wanted from me. At the same time, many men tell me the truth but don't know mine. I'm used to people assuming that I'm cis and with that, naturally, comes people who will pursue me without knowing that I'm transgender. Perhaps there was a time where a man not knowing was more of an intentional dating strategy, but these days it's more like, I'll let someone flirt with me, but I won't flirt back until I figure them out. Are they accepting of trans women? Are they attracted to them? I'm generally good at spotting that, but I've been wrong. I've had a man spend half of our conversation telling me how attracted he was to transgender men and women, assuming I was a queer cis woman who was then very angry when I told him I was trans because I was "wasting his time". I've had men who's publicly expressed transphobic beliefs, corner me on drunken nights to pressure me sexually. I'm glad I'm at the point where men being attracted to me is no longer exciting to me on its own because I truly want nothing to do with the vast vast majority of men. I wish they'd leave me alone, honestly. In all reality, I require an emotionally intelligent man who will no try to make me feel uncomfortable about demanding a certain degree of respect. DL men make you feel like an asshole for wanting to meet them in a public, well-lit place. They'll try to use your degree of femininity as a weapon against you because it excites them to have that power over you. The reason you'll never be that girlfriend is always because you're not feminine enough. You're not respectable enough. It's dangerous to date you and dating you may mean that they'll lose everything. We are pressured to accept less, because we are seen as lesser. And then these men who harm us, have the full protection of our society that, again, often believes that transgender women are repulsive. So repulsive that no one would ever consensually date them. When they murder us, we are rapidly blamed. The "she was asking for it" sentiment often reserved for cis women who've been murdered is replaced with "she tricked him"; even in situations where he knew. It's as if a portion of society refuses to accept that trans women also experience intimate partner violence that can be and often is just as deadly as intimate partner violence against t
cisgender women. In fact, it's for this reason that statistically, transgender women tend to experience these types of violence more frequently. Some men only prefer transgender women because they can abuse them with impunity.

All the above has made it incredibly hard for me to even be receptive, let alone perceptive, of men who are indeed attracted to me without all of the baggage. A few months ago, I had a moment that really shocked me. I had a massive crush on someone I assumed wasn't inclusive of trans women in his dating life. And so, we were cordial friends, and he was really really nice to me. Still is really really nice to me, and I hadn't realized that he wasn't just being nice, he was interested. And he pointed out to me that I wasn't very forward with men within the sex positive space we were currently in. While he wasn't directly speaking of himself, it was obvious that he was kinda suggesting to me that I could stand to be more forward with him specifically and it took me by surprise. I had constructed this entire narrative of who he was in my mind, and he turned out to be significantly more pansexual than I'd realized. And while I suppose I could still pursue him, he moved away and I've kinda missed that chance. Soon, I noticed that the same was true for a few other people.

I'm polyamorous and, like I said, I think I'm in the first very functional phase of my romantic life. Each of my partners I've been with for more than three years. My longest partner is around 8 years now. None of them have complex feelings about me being transgender. In fact, the subject doesn't really come up ever. My partners are all child-free men who plan on remaining that way, have careers that they love, and their source of validation comes from themselves. We love to go out and the idea of staying in because they're ashamed of me is laughable because my partners very much enjoy being seen with me because they're proud of me and take pride in being my partner.

I have virtually no patience for men who are at a stage in their processing where they make their issues, my burden and that's honestly because I've embraced myself as real, tangible, beautiful and valuable. That's a narrative that exists beyond these two harsh realities of transfemme desire and desirability."

On 2024-04-28 23:14:42 Leila B (shemale Seductress) said:
Here is an informative, eye-opening piece written by one of my favourite YouTubers KAT BLAQUE.


Interesting as ever Miss LeilaB. I would place myself closer to nr. 4. Exploring the tgirl world has been an incredible and rewarding journey down the rabbit hole for myself. I enjoy the erotocism. I appreciate the femininity of tgirls and their response to being appreciated. I have a soft spot for fembois and sissys I must ad. Some of the coolest, most interesting, complex and always intelligent people I have met. As they say intelligent people make better lovers. My only regret is not starting sooner and missing out on all those fascinating, beautiful beings from past days. I'm sorry I did not take the chance to appreciate the old Hillbrow scene, which was a treasure trove once for the local industry. Anyway, we are still blessed with a lovely selection of ladies to choose from. To be honest it was the porn industry that truly enlightened me to this amazing scene. A porn shop I visited in Rosebank had quite a nice selection of posters on its walls featuring various beautiful tgirl pornstars. I did a doubletake on seeing and was blown away. Been sold ever since. I have the aesthetic standards of porn to thank for my aporeciation. If I could rewind and was ever talented enough to work in porn it would be tgirls for me, whether acting, filming or producing. Fortunately my experiences have been good ones and I have met some remarkable gurls.
___________________________________


" I think I'm cute. Although I may have had my own struggles with insecurities, and my transition may have occasionally informed those insecurities, from a very young age, I was always the kind of person who walked past a mirror and found something to appreciate. However, while that may be true, it's also true that I live in a society that simply does not agree on many levels, and for a very long time, I felt that despite how I felt, I was too black, too dark, too fat and too trans to be loved the way I felt I deserved. So, in my youth, I allowed a lot of men (because, yes, they were men, and I was often still a child) to inform my vision of self to the point where my standards were so low that I accepted behavior from men that I wouldn't come close to entertaining now. I took trains, I lied to my friends and family, and put my safety at risk on more than one occasion just to experience what was often a private and secretive sexual relationship with a man who of course, had a valid reason for keeping our relationship secret. It was the day after I was asked by a guy to lay flat in the bed of his truck as he pulled into a deserted trailer park for fear that someone would see us together that I finally realized I deserved much more. And since I made the decision to no longer share my body privately with men who cannot claim it publicly, my romantic life has improved dramatically... but my trauma persists.

Transfeminine people live within an inherent contradiction: two stark realities in which we are both desired and reviled. For some, we embody the failure of manhood. An ultimate perversion and subversion of all the patriarchal ideals that we've known. For others, we embody a figure of beauty that is deified. So transgender women experience a world where they'll struggle finding a job at McDonalds but won't struggle finding a rich man who is willing to fund their transitions as long as they're willing to exploit themselves to give said men their shemale fantasy. I feel alienated by both of these realities and something I've come to discover is that many people struggle to comprehend transgender women as being real people, with real experiences, real histories, who really do live their lives as their genders. We are often the crude party trick teenage boys play with each other. "Do you think she's hot?", and if you answer yes, you're gay cuz she's got a dick. Our realities are minimized to repulsion and fetishism and if you know anything about the latter, you know the former goes hand in hand.

When I say people struggle to comprehend our realities, what I mean is they tend to often view us as an idea, a trick or a deliberate nuisance. It's not that I, like every other human that experiences sexual desire, have romantic and sexual relationships. It's that I masquerade as a woman in order to trick and fool good heterosexual men, who'd otherwise want nothing to do with me. My actual reality is that I move through the world in a way where my transness never really comes up outside of conversations with people I'm intimate with, or in conversations with friends and colleagues. Men hit on me quite a bit when I go out and if I'm interested, I'll tell them that I'm transgender and my experience isn't what many would assume. Society would like to believe that each time a man approaches me, he's completely averse to my transness. In my experience while most heterosexual men may fully exclude transgender women from their dating pool, many of the men who've approached me aren't really turned off by me being transgender. In fact, there have been more than a few situations where it made me more interesting to them. I guess for me, while I understand that my transness is shocking to many people who've never interacted with a transgender woman, at 33 years old, I've lived a long life and I've spent my entire adult life as an out trans woman who is typically read as cis. At a certain point, it becomes kinda pedestrian to say over and over again "i'm a woman and most of the men who pursue me are straight" because that's what I'd argue most women, cis or trans experience. We live in a society that says femininity is a performance to be consumed by heterosexual men, so of course that's going to be who pursues me the most. And despite the fact that I have a strong preference for bi or pansexual men, I've had my longest term relationships with heterosexual men. That's not a badge of honor or a validation of my gender, it's just...what it is. But some people quite literally can't imagine this to be the case and most people don't know enough trans people to otherwise understand just how common that is. Contrary to what many would like to believe, I've never been able to attract men seeking other men and most of the men who pursue me do not use the label "bisexual" to describe themselves and none of them have described themselves as gay. And honestly, that's a shame because gay men are often cuter and bi men often more emotionally intelligent than the average straight man. But still, my romantic life is painfully straight. And honestly, the only intimate partners of mine that have wanted to masculinize me are white men who racially fetishize me.

I think I'm boring. Sure, maybe I'm a polyamorous goth who is kinky, who is also an artist, who is also a Youtuber, who is also a community organizer, who is also a public speaker, but I think I'm pretty boring. I don't live the crazy life conservatives seem to think I do where everything I do is predicated by being transgender and I don't spookily lurk the halls looking to spread my (well-funded) woke agenda to the masses. I exist in this body, as I am, and this body has history. This body has trauma. Trauma that is exacerbated by these two realities, how I process them internally, and how others process me.

Contrary to the common narrative that transgender women are not and could never be desirable, I have always had to navigate the aggressive ways in which men express their desire for me. Even after no longer entertaining DL men, I have always had men who were interested in me in some way, and I've dated many people over the years; more than I should have. However, one of my primary sources of anxiety is why a man may be interested in me specifically. How do they feel about feel about transgender women? Because I've discovered that men fall into a few camps.

1) Some men are attracted to transgender women because they fetishize them. Every few months, they need their tranny fix and they don't really identify with it at all. They have no desire to ever publicly acknowledge that they are in a relationship with a trans woman; and by "relationship", I mean "fucking them in their apartment consistently".
2) Some men are "curious," and they're in the process of questioning their own sexuality. They're not entirely sure they like transgender women, and they are often otherwise quite awkward with cis women. They will connect very well socially with trans women but will either not pursue them or will and will very quickly change their mind. Sometimes even ghost.
3) Some men see trans women and cis women as only marginally different... but often this comes with the caveat that she must "pass". And for him, the only difference is the plumbing, and he really doesn't care about that
4) Some men are no longer holding themselves to heterosexuality and are therefore liberated from the societal pressure that would make dating a transgender woman a daunting task. They are fully indifferent to the opinions of others, and they date who they date with no input from anyone.
5) Some men are able to acknowledge that transgender women are attractive, but do not want to be physical with them.
6) Some men will never date, sleep with or socialize with a transgender woman as they view them as inherently offensive and repulsive.

I tend to primarily date men in group 3, but I prefer the men in group 4. However, the men in groups 1 and 2 have done a pretty severe number on me to the point where it's really sabotaged a lot of my relationships. I think what I've desired the most is clear communication about where someone is at, but because most men are never in a situation where they interact directly with a transgender woman, they will struggle to process their attractions immediately and the relationship escalator is very different. What's often bothered me is men have often made me feel like this complicated thing that must be processed over long periods of time and many of them have lied to me or perhaps not been honest enough with themselves to be directly honest with me about how they really feel. What i've often gotten is some variation of "I'm going through a lot right now and I don't want to be with anyone, but maybe one day". And they like to keep that back door open instead of being honest about how they feel.Speaking frankly, I think far too many men become so fixated on not wanting to be seen like a bad guy that they never quite say it. They never quite say "hey, I'm not interested in you" or "I'm honestly only interested in having sex with you because you are transgender, and I don't date trans women. Honesty hurts, but in retrospect, if men were more upfront about how they felt and didn't lie to me about some complicated circumstance that makes it hard for them to date me, despite apparently wanting to, I would have saved a lot of heartbreak. I would have been given the chance to move onto men who were interested in treating me how I deserved instead of holding out hope that things would one day change. It's interesting to me how these days, men who try to put me in that position don't even really register anymore because I love myself enough not to entertain these types of men. But they still linger..

I hope this doesn't sound like bragging, but I have a long line of admirers. Men who are solidly in group 2. Who admires me, likes every picture I post, comments on and engages with every status update, but never had the guts to actually try to pursue me. They'll ask me out on dates but will never commit to a day. They'll tell me they're not in the place to date but get engaged to a cis woman a week later. These men will be amorous towards me, but their own self-doubt and processing will prevent them from ever really taking that step. Most of them are just guys that appreciate me from afar, but some of them have lied to me to cover up their insecurities.

There's one I still keep in contact with who, today, has a rainbow flag emoji and "queer ally" in their bio. I met him many years ago online. After a month of talking, we were supposed to go on a date. The night of our date, he called me to tell me that he doesn't want to date me anymore because he wants kids one day and I'll never be able to give him that. I was devastated at the time. I really liked this guy, and he made me feel like he was very interested in being with me. Years later, we reconnected, and he was dating this cis woman who he'd complain to me about all the time. When they eventually broke up, he tried to pursue me, and he told me that what he said in the past was a lie. That he said it as an excuse because he wasn't ready to go on a date with a transgender woman.Mind you, when I say this devastated me, I mean, it really really hurt me. It has been hard to process that someone could be attracted to me in a genuine way, but then also completely reject me for something I can't change. But he'd told me he's grown since. He's ready now. So, like a fool, I entertain the idea of making up for lost time and he gets back with his girlfriend before we manage to get to the first date.

When you're a transgender woman, it's almost like you're let into a side of the world that isn't visible to many other people. You are approached by these men who are in robust relationships with cis women but desire sexual access to transgender women. Most of the DL men who contacted me weren't just in relationships, but they were married. Often with kids. So, you see a side of men where they're willing to completely betray a woman who, in so many ways, has everything you'll often idealize. And in that, it becomes clear that what you idealize isn't ideal at all.

Growing up, I wanted to get married, have children, and live the life my parents lived: safe, suburban, clean, and family-oriented. I don't really want that now, but I idealized it a lot when I was younger. I had to process both my desires to do that as a young woman and my social and medical transition at the same time. I wanted to meet a man, fall in love, get engaged, get married and live that idealized life, but I think time demonstrated to me how much i don't want that and how false that image of suburban perfection really is.

A lot of men have lied to me to my face. They've told me things that were not true to make me vulnerable so they could get what they wanted from me. At the same time, many men tell me the truth but don't know mine. I'm used to people assuming that I'm cis and with that, naturally, comes people who will pursue me without knowing that I'm transgender. Perhaps there was a time where a man not knowing was more of an intentional dating strategy, but these days it's more like, I'll let someone flirt with me, but I won't flirt back until I figure them out. Are they accepting of trans women? Are they attracted to them? I'm generally good at spotting that, but I've been wrong. I've had a man spend half of our conversation telling me how attracted he was to transgender men and women, assuming I was a queer cis woman who was then very angry when I told him I was trans because I was "wasting his time". I've had men who's publicly expressed transphobic beliefs, corner me on drunken nights to pressure me sexually. I'm glad I'm at the point where men being attracted to me is no longer exciting to me on its own because I truly want nothing to do with the vast vast majority of men. I wish they'd leave me alone, honestly. In all reality, I require an emotionally intelligent man who will no try to make me feel uncomfortable about demanding a certain degree of respect. DL men make you feel like an asshole for wanting to meet them in a public, well-lit place. They'll try to use your degree of femininity as a weapon against you because it excites them to have that power over you. The reason you'll never be that girlfriend is always because you're not feminine enough. You're not respectable enough. It's dangerous to date you and dating you may mean that they'll lose everything. We are pressured to accept less, because we are seen as lesser. And then these men who harm us, have the full protection of our society that, again, often believes that transgender women are repulsive. So repulsive that no one would ever consensually date them. When they murder us, we are rapidly blamed. The "she was asking for it" sentiment often reserved for cis women who've been murdered is replaced with "she tricked him"; even in situations where he knew. It's as if a portion of society refuses to accept that trans women also experience intimate partner violence that can be and often is just as deadly as intimate partner violence against t
cisgender women. In fact, it's for this reason that statistically, transgender women tend to experience these types of violence more frequently. Some men only prefer transgender women because they can abuse them with impunity.

All the above has made it incredibly hard for me to even be receptive, let alone perceptive, of men who are indeed attracted to me without all of the baggage. A few months ago, I had a moment that really shocked me. I had a massive crush on someone I assumed wasn't inclusive of trans women in his dating life. And so, we were cordial friends, and he was really really nice to me. Still is really really nice to me, and I hadn't realized that he wasn't just being nice, he was interested. And he pointed out to me that I wasn't very forward with men within the sex positive space we were currently in. While he wasn't directly speaking of himself, it was obvious that he was kinda suggesting to me that I could stand to be more forward with him specifically and it took me by surprise. I had constructed this entire narrative of who he was in my mind, and he turned out to be significantly more pansexual than I'd realized. And while I suppose I could still pursue him, he moved away and I've kinda missed that chance. Soon, I noticed that the same was true for a few other people.

I'm polyamorous and, like I said, I think I'm in the first very functional phase of my romantic life. Each of my partners I've been with for more than three years. My longest partner is around 8 years now. None of them have complex feelings about me being transgender. In fact, the subject doesn't really come up ever. My partners are all child-free men who plan on remaining that way, have careers that they love, and their source of validation comes from themselves. We love to go out and the idea of staying in because they're ashamed of me is laughable because my partners very much enjoy being seen with me because they're proud of me and take pride in being my partner.

I have virtually no patience for men who are at a stage in their processing where they make their issues, my burden and that's honestly because I've embraced myself as real, tangible, beautiful and valuable. That's a narrative that exists beyond these two harsh realities of transfemme desire and desirability."

On 2024-05-24 08:21:36 9cloud9 said:
Miss LeilaB. Have you seen the early 1970s Western Film, Little Big Man, starring Dustin Hofman. In the film he lives with the Cheyenne tribe. There is a "two spirit" character in the film, which I guess we could say is trans but more complex. I must say two spirit is an apt description. At times I have found some tgirls of choice quite ethereal, albeit always very charming.

On 2024-05-24 17:25:07 Leila B (shemale Seductress) said:
On 2024-05-24 08:21:36 9cloud9 said: Miss LeilaB. Have you seen the early 1970s Western Film, Little Big Man, starring Dustin Hofman. In the film he lives with the Cheyenne tribe. There is a "two spirit" character in the film, which I guess we could say is trans but more complex. I must say two spirit is an apt description. At times I have found some tgirls of choice quite ethereal, albeit always very charming.


I have watched most of the movies with transgendered characters in the plot. Haven't watched the movie you mentioned with Dustin Hoffman, but I did see him in TOOTSIE :-)

This new series BABY REINDEER has the trans community abuzz ... en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_Reindeer

On 2024-05-28 10:52:01 9cloud9 said:
On 2024-05-24 17:25:07 Leila B (shemale Seductress) said: On 2024-05-24 08:21:36 9cloud9 said:

Two interesting personality types, among the Plains Indians, are identified in this film, namley a "two spirit" and the "contrarian".