A couple is on a date at a fancy restaurant. The woman tells the man to say something to her that will get her heart racing.

He says, "I forgot my wallet".



An expensive date in more ways than one. Hahahhahahahahahaha!

Andalthough they are quotes, the did put a huge smile on my face or had me laughing....

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I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

Johnny Carson

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Remember, sex is like a Chinese dinner. It ain't over 'til you both get your cookie.

Alec Baldwin

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Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

George Burns


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Sex: the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.

Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl of Chesterfield

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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

Rodney Dangerfield


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I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.

John Waters




Naughty! Naughty!

:))))

RB

A man went to the pub with his wife. When he left for the counter to buy drinks a prostitute approached his wife & whispered, "You must DEMAND cash before sex, I know him he doesn't pay.


Hahahahahahahhahaha!!!...karma is a bitch.

RB.

This one may be a little sick and twisted, however somehow puts a smile on your dial:

What's the difference between pedophilia and necrophilia?

.....temperature

On 2024-08-24 10:36:06 Lisa said:
This one may be a little sick and twisted, however somehow puts a smile on your dial:

What's the difference between pedophilia and necrophilia?

.....temperature

Eeeek!

So in that line....


My therapist told me
"Time heals all wounds"
So I stabbed him.
Now we wait.


:0

"What's the difference between pedophilia and necrophilia?

.....temperature"

Yo..!I'm dying of laughter this side and I'm adoring every second reading it again, thank you for this one I've coincidentally never read before (wow what a TREAT)

On 2018-07-24 14:34:26 john_adams said:
I tried it with a thread about vaseline jokes , but it quickly dies , besides there is already quite a bit of humor in most of the threads hehehe

Vaseline:) I wonder...?
This reminds me one morning on my way to work. It was so cold and I stopped by the Portuguese bakery store to buy their freshly baked rolls, they smelled so good and they were hot. Immediately after I received them I was thinking the handful packet of margarine will melt nicely in here and will taste so good . Anyways I ended up asking the till lady's if they had stock in this item. The Portuguese guy who was standing next to her packing my rolls looked at me laughing and said: try Vaseline on . I laughed walked out with my dry rolls. Lol ...

A vampire walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a boiling glass of water. Bartender says "I thought you vampires only drank blood." Vampire pulls out a tampon and says "Im having tea!"

White male republicans on the announcement that a Black Women will run against trump for US presidency: 'It's a bloodless coup" ... "her only qualification is a vagina and her race" ... roflol, really, in this day and age; you can change your old white male candidate too ...


On the up side, Trump (a former President) on Harris (his opponent for Presidency), 'I've seen her picture on Time magazine, she's so beautiful, so so beautiful, like the first lady, uhh she's so beautiful...' Fuck man, you don't stand a chance ...

*note, not a political statement, or a racial one, just a joke ...

We are a strong and resilient people. Our strength comes from the people of this country; the Zulus, and the Afrikaners. They are very good at helping us deal with our many problems which are mainly Zulus and Afrikaners.

Mpho Pops

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This is a jokes forum. Hopefully it's not to soon after elections.