Joepaper has got to be the most entertaining reviewer currently on ESA. I used to think Whitewhite/Witwit/Greygrey/etcetc was the best but Joepaper is the bomb! Keep it up buddy (figuratively and literally).

www.esa.co.za/forum/thread.php

www.esa.co.za/forum/thread.php

www.esa.co.za/forum/thread.php

www.esa.co.za/forum/thread.php

Tsaaa, tsaaa, tsaaa indeed!

Hmmm, suppose it's a matter of different tastes! I love reading greygrey and whitewhites reviews! Much more legible and easy to follow with amazing descriptions and humor! That being said, I hate being reviewed with full details myself! Each client is different, therefore I wouldn't want one client expecting exactly what the last reviewer described besides the necessary basics!

Best review I have seen was Sir Greyknight's review on his visit to the ever so sexy Stormpie@SU about 2 or 3 weeks ago.

The man put a number of poets to shame with the review

On 2017-05-23 14:07:17 yewrev said:
Best review I have seen was Sir Greyknight's review on his visit to the ever so sexy Stormpie@SU about 2 or 3 weeks ago.

The man put a number of poets to shame with the review

Best review I ever read was by whitewhite on his necrophilia experience. Can't remember the last time I laughed so much at a review!

WHITEWHITE - Wee Willy and the Punt Diabolical! (or an erotic journey into Necrophilia!)
Basic Member
Joined:
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View Profile Send Message [Quote] [Report this post] Posted: 2013-12-22 21:08:05
Edited: 2013-12-22 21:33:43
I guess I only have myself to blame! (It is ABSOLUTELY fuckin Wee Willies fault!)

Last night I indulged in a punt that was so poor and so rotten, so diabolical and so absurd... that if I had not seen the humorous side of it, I would be too embarrassed to admit that I actually went through with it!

I was feeling horny, so I logged onto the local site... only to find that most of my favorite girls have disappeared for the season. Zulu Princess has moved to Durbs! Foxy Lady, Muffin Girl, Ebony n Ivory and Moonlight Girl have all vanished, and Lingerie Girl has emigrated to a new branch of Pep Stores. Coco Girl is on holiday in the E Cape (Fuuurk I adore that girl!) and Serendipity and Enchanting Golden Angel are too far away for a quick visit. Blue Girl and Reign Girl are still available, but mmm... Im looking for some NEW punda!!!

So whats this? A fairly new profile... Talented Doll!!! The splurge reads "A voluptuous fair Zulu doll for all your fantasies and kinks - very talented"
Mmm... I could do with some BBW Zulu talent... so I make the booking!!

Talented Doll greets us in a sparkly skin-tight dress! For a BBW her body is not too bad at all, large certainly not obese, with heavy well shaped breasts and portly nipples, wide hips and chubby but shapely butt, arms and legs. Big belly. And only about HALF as massive as Purple Woman who I ran into just last week! (Purple Woman has so many rolls and wrinkles that she makes one of those Chinese Shar Pei dogs look like a sleek pedigreed greyhound!)

I can get lost in a Talented BBDoll's woman body. And I certainly enjoy this body form from time to time!

But THIS BBW is not a happy lady! Sour expression and worn haggard face, tepid smile, and very brisk and businesslike! I'm inclined to give the whole punt a miss, but Wee Willy is screeching for release... so I take a deep breath and follow her into the room!

She takes the cash, strips off her panties, peels off the dress... a large blob of blue lube is squeezed from a shimmering purple bottle and spaded liberally into the bath tub between her legs... and heads for the bed! She rolls onto it, wriggles her hips to get comfortable... lying on her back with her large swollen thighs splayed wide, her mountainous breasts resting on her lower belly, her black straw wig slightly askew... and she screws her eyes tight shut!

WTF?

So what now?

I look at her!

One minute!

Two minutes!

But she just lies there!!! Perhaps something has happened? Has she fainted?

I cautiously sit on the bed, Wee Willy peering up owlishly from between my thighs... and carefully prod her in her well padded ribs with my fingertip!

Nothing!

Prod again!

Again nothing! No movement, no sound... save for the sagging lackadaisical ceiling fan slowly masturbating the soggy limp air!

Nothing at all!

Prod again...

One minute!

Two minutes!

Nothing! Zero zilch fuckall!

I squeeze a large gelatinous nipple...

Again nothing!

I put my ear to a large tit... nothing... Wait... a distant thump... but maybe its the sound of the fan echoing from slope to slope in the ravine between her huge breasts?

Fuck... maybe she's DEAD!!!

Hello? No answer!

Helloooo? Nothing!

Prod!!!

Zilch!

Wee Willy and I look at each other in bewilderment... and I leave the decision to him... there is a wicked glint in his eye... he has never attempted Necrophilia before... and after all WE HAVE BLERRY PAID!!!

So we mount her inert body, Wee Willy inserts himself into her well moussed love hole, and I sip a soggy nipple seductively into my mouth!

Nothing!

Absolutely fucking nothing!!!

Wee Willy starts thrusting, slowly at first, erotic and deep, doing his best porn star impersonation... and then faster and harder and fucking and long!!

Nothing!! Absolutely sweet blow all... but for a bit of wobbling adipose and some movement of the tits as they slip sideways and deflate against her thick arms!

Absolutely NO response! Not a whimper, not a sigh, not a fart!! Not even the hiss of escaping septic gasses!

Wee and I build to a thrusting pumping philharmonic crescendo, sweat flying from my brow, my arms stretched wide around the dull lifeless body, and my breathing coming in ragged gasps!

Wee Willy and I explode together!!!

We dismount, sweating, panting, heart beating hard... completely sated!

And we look down at Talented Doll...

STILL FUCKING NOTHING!!

Fuck... WHAT NOW!!!!!

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRing!!!! Loud screeching banshee blast of sound shatters the silent room!

Fuuuuuuk ...Wee Willy and I almost CRAP ourselves!!!!

IT'S HER FUCKING PHONE SCREAMING LIKE A FIRE SIREN!!!

And then it happens!!! The huge bloated corpse on the bed erupts into life!!! Leaps to the floor and snatches up the phone... "Hi hun, I provide a passionate and unrushed girlfriend experience, and my rates are R*** ... I will be ready for you in seven minutes!!!"

Wee Willy and I are aghast!! We FLEE!!!!



Okay okay it wasn't quite as bad as I have just depicted above! IT WAS ACTUALLY FAR WORSE!!!!

So now Wee Willy and I have made a New Years resolution between the two of us... absolutely NO kak punts in 2014!!! We will be selective, choosey and discerning! If the punt does not feel right... we WILL NOT go through with it!!!!!

Wait a second... Im sure we made the same resolution this time last year!!!!

(Did you hear the one about the two earthworms in the graveyard making love in dead earnest?)

Damn. The mofo gots a 12inch dick! That's 30cm of dick!

Eish, my little 2 inches just retracted like a turtle into its shell out of shame!

On 2017-05-23 14:25:11 Se_kaas said:
Damn. The mofo gots a 12inch dick! That's 30cm of dick!

Eish, my little 2 inches just retracted like a turtle into its shell out of shame!

Oooh eh eh.....that's a disemboweling apparatus.....not a penis!

On 2017-05-23 14:09:23 Veronica Franco said:

........Best review I ever read was by whitewhite on his necrophilia experience. Can't remember the last time I laughed so much at a review!

*taking tongue out of cheek*

Whitewhite had such a great knack of naming the beauties he bumped into - Blue Girl, Booty Girl, Moonlight Girl, Foxy Lady, Zulu Princess, Ebony and Ivory Girl, Coco Girl, Pepstore Girl........

Pepstore girl? Lmao....