Still... telling people that your a Christian and doing charity work vs bragging about his golden life and punting at age 26 isn't cool at all. Just my opinion.

I'm going to check in with the minority report. Most people have basically told you to stop what you are doing and change your life. Since you posted here, you already want to do that, it seems, so the question is more about understanding why you have this lifestyle. When you understand that, you can more easily change and/or accept who you are.

First, I am guessing you have a need to be "in control", and yet have a hard time expressing your emotional needs (your introversion). This is always going to tend to cause problems. Let me explain:

With girlfriend number one, you could not stop giving her gifts, even though it caused problems between you. When people are uncomfortable with gifts, it is usually because they feel that they are being made to feel obligated to do things or behave in ways that they simply do not feel comfortable with at that time. In other words, they fear being controlled. You are obviously intelligent; surely it occurred to you that the gift she wanted was a relationship where you expressed your feelings toward her in ways that did not make her feel obligated? That you "don't know how to do that" is what needs to be looked at more closely...

With girlfriend number two, she complained you were "too quiet". Again, this is an expression of disquiet in the lack of reassurance as to what your real feelings were. Love, from a psychological point of view, is the lowering of ego barriers to consider another person as a part of yourself. When you "fall in love", those ego barriers are completely lowered. The beloved is without any flaws that matter to you, and you can't wait to spend time with them. We then spend the next months rediscovering what is us and what is the other person, and successful relationships are built around the commonalities that help preserve enough of the feeling of being one with the other person, while having a sense of your own individuality.

I am guessing that underneath the 'reasons' they give, your partners find that you don't really 'let go' in a way that makes them feel safe: you remain emotionally bottled up. And, of course, because you are a generous and moral person, this seems inexplicable to you, and drives you further into emotional isolation.

And the desire to have a child? Well, who better to be able to express a controlling love to than a child with you as single parent? Dependent on you, and worshipping you as the center of their existence, a child would fill that void of "emptiness" that you describe in a way no grown woman could (and note that you would like to have girl child!).


Work? As has been pointed out, the fight with your boss was an excuse to quit, not a reason. One who is comfortable in their faith cannot be insulted. A friend of mine (who went on to become a Catholic monk) and I had many an intense conversation about religion, and neither of us was ever offended: on the contrary, such discussions help to define and clarify our beliefs. So I suggest that quitting was an act of rebellion against the control necessarily ceded to a 'boss'. I am guessing that this rebellion, via quitting, has a deeper significance for you, although I would be guessing to categorically state what it means...

And I hope I can point out, without offence, that Roman Catholicism is one of the more controlling religions (which my friend would tell you is a good thing: there are few grey areas, and the laws don't change according to societal pressure). That has its significance as well...

I also congratulate you on choosing to use escorts rather than victimize women. You could easily be a 'player' and leave a trail of women damaged to a greater or lesser extent by you using them to provide sex and assuage boredom. In this world, the rules of the relationships are fairly clear, and all participate at their own risk. I suppose one of the questions you are asking is whether doing this is what is keeping you from finding a real relationship. My opinion is that it is symptomatic, not causal.

I will also point out gently to you that in answering people who have posted, you nearly always start out with a statement of agreement, followed by an explanation, usually of disagreement. You invite the readers here to exercise a measure of 'control' over you, and then politely reject that 'control'. This is also a form of rebellion, akin to the work rebellion.

The true question then, is what is the real rebellion you need? You seem to live in a highly controlled environment, with housing and income assured just for "breathing". That is a very child-like position to be in, don't you think? How did this come about? Who provides this? How long has your life been like this? (rhetorical questions not to be answered here!) Somewhere in your past, you have been truly subjugated emotionally (hence your introversion), and this stifles your ability to really let go and love in a mature way with a woman outside the ESA world.

You are going to need to examine and come to terms with that before you can move on from the emotional stagnation and emptiness you are feeling. Jungians believe we can genuinely change, and I hope you discover the keys that enable you to unlock a more fulfilling emotional life. But even traditional Freudians believe that by understanding what gives birth to us as emotional beings, we can learn to best live with who we are. In the meantime, don't feel bad about punting, and certainly don't settle into a relationship just to have the trappings of normalcy until you have more deeply explored your emotional past.

Wishing you good fortune in this quest, and much happiness in the future.

@Yolan that would be great buddy lol thank you
@TosKoppie have you managed to stop smoking?really thanks for your advices they will be very helpful.
@Lenovolenovo it is a phase that why I definitely need to find a way out before it becomes too late for me,thank you ;)
@rbbroker now you you got me
Thank you for sharing the story,one thing I'm sure of is I don't wanna find myself where you are today,your story just gives me another motivation to work really hard,I'm pretty sure if you could go back in time and change all that you would.waouh thank you I definitely know which path I don't wanna take and need to do all I can to avoid it.
@Pseudonyms I agree with you "you can be in the company of many and still" but I also agree with others saying that I need to put in a lot of efforts plus I'm not dictated by the society,it's by my own choice that I wanna find a way out before it's too late for me.
@fanesa you don't really sound harsh to me I actually really appreciate your point of vue and I will certainly take the best out of it,sharing your thoughts and experience is what inspires me the most so thank you.
@Boobs LOL
@Ms Paige saying that I'm a Christian does not mean that I'm a saint,I consider myself as blessed but not special, I'm a sinner just like anybody else but I recon that I need help hence the reasons of my thread. There are so many Christian ladies here,are you really gonna question their beliefs because of what they do??I definitely won't argue with anyone about religion and I'll just give you the same advice I gave to my former boss;religion is a very very hot button,stay away and whether someone believe in God or not or Allah or I don't know who else just respect that and move on.
@Ms VF to you I have no other words than THANK YOU.
@gary_g waouh I'm really touched,it feels like you know me better than I know myself.Ms VF can we organize a meeting with this man please?

On 2017-06-09 09:55:15 Ms Paige said:
Still... telling people that your a Christian and doing charity work vs bragging about his golden life and punting at age 26 isn't cool at all. Just my opinion.

I suppose bragging is a personal observation you picked up due to your own insecurities.

But I never got that from his post, other then explaining and trying to give an idea of where he comes from. I don't like braggarts myself as it comes across as someone trying to make themselves more impressive through their abundance of superficial acquirements because they lack something inside that they divert attention from or think that people find them more impressive and will overlook things that they want to hide. He rather admits that he lacks something.

He is 26 and the fact that he is an introvert and has opened himself up to this discrimination with regards to his subjugation, making him the focus of quite a lot of people when he says he hates having focus on him, is not typical of a braggart and your judgement of him in those regards could possibly worsen his introversion or current inability to relate to people in fear of being judged nstead of understood!

We all seek to be seen and understood (acknowledged) for who we are when relating to others, which is impossible on a website, where information is limited in terms of an individual or who they truly are in the real world, so when someone puts themselves out there in the cyber world and receives backlash for giving you a basic outline to a tiny fraction of what he thinks is important to who he is, it's counter productive to the whole reason he's actually reached out which is, to a certain degree, probably why I've extended him the offer of personal interaction and listening/seeing his total situation, which no one here would even bother with as we all have our own problems to deal with and Rarely extend our time to those close to us, nevermind a stranger.

There's a lot I do not understand myself and I feel we can learn from and in so doing, maybe help each other understand or change various things about ourselves and our situations.

On 2017-06-09 10:31:16 Golo15 said:

@gary_g waouh I'm really touched,it feels like you know me better than I know myself.Ms VF can we organize a meeting with this man please?

That depends on his time and willingness Golo. He is not someone that visits me that I'm aware of and we don't communicate beyond the forum, so whether you or I arrange a meeting with him, it's pretty much his choice!

Golo15, if you want to meet sometime, just send me a private message. @Veronica, yes, I have booked you, but long ago (and the fact that I haven't lately should not be seen by anyone as any lack of admiration on my part for your skills. You really are an amazing courtesan, worthy of your namesake).

Out of curiosity:
Who (particularly from WGs perspective) can roll out a good cross section of the various reasons for punting regularly in general in the first place? I will explain later why I am asking like that...

@Veronica. paige never brag about her life. Shes blessed and thankful for what she have. There is a BIG difference. And she always thank the people who help her achieve her goals.

Grand male peacockery. You people are being trolled.

"I'm young, rich, privileged, good looking, religious, do charity work, am apparently stupid and don't know if I should punt." Cry me a fucking river.

I don't believe any of those things. What a virtue signalling sad tool who can't even upgrade to Gold.

Actually, Saffer, I know someone quite similar to this is 'real' life. Your experience is a little limited, perhaps. "I don't believe any of these things"? Maybe you need to read or watch Life of Pi again. :)