On 2017-08-10 06:54:39 Honorable Member said:
The obvious risks are getting caught or catching an STD. I think both of those can be mitigated through caution.

The less obvious risk is increasing the unhappiness as a result of deceit and guilt.

Never try to fix a problem in life with something that can create a bigger problem.

Yewrev, excellent advice .... have a bells my friend !!!

Gary_G - Thank you for taking the time to respond in such detail. You make some excellent points.

My wife's response to attempts at discussion are normally either to change the subject or to blame me for not offering enough romance.

I don't feel that I'm angry with her - but I'll reflect on this for a while.

Honorable Member, rather join the SSS ... much safer and we have perfected wanking in such a degree that you only have sex in emergencies ... perfect for your situation ... lol !!!

Rather take the members advice .. actually very good advice !!!

@Honorable Member,

IF in the 14 years of marriage, your wife has never had the desire or inclination for minor experimentation, then her not wanting to do so now, should not be seen as rejection....

IF in the 14 years of marriage, your wife did enthusiastically indulge in minor or major experimentation and now all of a sudden does not want to do so, then it is understandable that you may feel rejected, but there could be many reasons why it is not a direct rejection of you as a person.

A few observations:

1.It is natural in a relationship for the 1 partner to have a much higher libido than the other partner. What is of more importance in a relationship imo, is that you are in sync wrt to friendship and companionship, because once you are both old, friendship and companionship is what will keep you together, not sex.

2. The biggest mistake and one of the main reasons for so many divorces, is because the partners try to change each other once they are married.

3.A woman's libido can be negatively impacted by children (difficulty in mentally switching role from mother to lover), self image (not feeling sexy anymore, perhaps gained weight or a few stretch marks), hormonal issues, feelings inadequate as a lover, stress, exhaustion and more...

4. If the husband's fantasies or requests for experimentation is something the wife does not share, it is only natural that she will eventually resist any attempt at sex, will be defensive and argue about it, because she does not want to do said experimentation. The requests makes her feel inadequate as a lover and eventually she will dread any sexual overtures, because she knows that inevitably the subject will surface before or during the sexual encounter.

So my advice is as follows:

Do not automatically see your failed overtures as rejections, because it is not necessarily a direct rejection of you. Rather it is possibly a manifestation of one of things mentioned in point 3 above or it is a manifestation of her fear that you will ask her to do something that she does not want to do and which makes her feel inadequate as a lover which directly affects her self esteem. It is very difficult to feel sexy and to be in the mood for sex, when you know that your husband wants more than you are able and/or willing to do.

Assumption: If you are already seeing ladies for massage and happy ending, you are to a certain degree already giving life to the 5% that is lacking in your life aka you are already cheating on your wife.
Since you are already getting the happy ending, then going for penetration is imo no different, albeit there is more risk in the form of std's and so on.
So no validation is needed to move over from massage to fhse, just take care not to fall into the trap of comparing your wife's sexuality to the sexuality of the ladies that you book for fhse, because it is all just about fantasy and money - ladies in this industry are not necessarily sex goddesses in their private relationships either...

Very good advise there Boobs53. Please accept my application to join SSS
The 5% "problem" is that it dont just stay there savely at 5%. As time go's by the 5% become 6% and so on.
then all of a sudden the 5% is the biggest problem that really devides your relationship and brings out a strong feeling of aversion in your heart towards your partner. It changes the way you look at her. It changes your ability to be intimate with her. And then you have got a 100% problem.
Rather sort out the 5%. Its your responsability, not your partners responsability. Keep your heart clean towards your partner and sort the 5% problem on your own. If that means buying guns like some do, then do it. Dont wreck the budget when you go of buying yourself some guns, you have got a family to provide a good life for. Sort out the 5%, dont make waves and dont let "hunting" become a 5% problem for your partner.
(hunting can be replaced with other activities, like "punting. Not all guys are into hunting.)
:-)

@roshta...related like a veteran
Been in the same shoes as Hon Member for a few years now.
Recently the wife has become overly conservative and is not for anything else besides missionary and plain old plain old...
I am experimental, adventurous and need a bit of kink... from time to time...actually all the time...
Yeah, I feel I am the ultimate personification of the Dr Jeckyl & Mr Hide (Hyde) scenario in my life...and have been for the past 25 yrs of punting. I will be the last person to say ..fulfil your 5%. I guess ONE DAY is ONE DAY for my double lifestyle...I just hope that the day I keel over, someone destroys my punting phone and my elusive 'black book'...this the crap you have to constantly live with whilst alive and also when you no longer around...

[QUOTE;798113;GudTyms
I am experimental, adventurous and need a bit of kink... from time to time ..... actually all the time [/QUOTE]

Mmmmmhhhhhhhh

I always say to people have all the fun you want but don't get caught.


what she doesn't know it won't kill her

On 2017-08-10 12:19:42 Miss Barbie Doll said:
I always say to people have all the fun you want but don't get caught.


what she doesn't know it won't kill her

Best advice Miss B