A foolish man always complain that his pockets has holes,but a wise man use the hole in his pocket to scratch his private part.

79 year old man gets naked when his wife doesn't notice his cowboy boots.

An elderly couple, Mildred and George, moved to Texas. George always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?" Mildred looked him over and said "Nope."

Frustrated, George stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he ask Mildred, a little louder this time,
"Notice anything different Now?"

Ain't a joke , but it did put a smile on my face -


Clementine, Sir Winston's wife, was talking to a,street sweeper for a while.
"What did you talk about for so long?" Asked Sir Winston.

She smiled, " Many years ago he was madly in love with me."

Churchill smiled ironically, " so you could have been the wife of a street sweeper today."

"OH no, my love, " Clementine replied, " If I had married him, he would have been the Prime Minister today."


:)))

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence.

"My father grows beans," said one girl.

"My mother cooks beans," said a boy.

A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."



Him: So tell me babe, What's your favourite colour?

Her: Oh man, stop asking me silly childish questions, I thought you were intelligent and witty!

Him: How many molecules of sodium bicarbonate is needed to neutralize 0.9ml of sulphuric acid?

Her: My favourite colour is pink!

The Pope, the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop of Canterbury decide to go fishing, so they hire a boat and row out to the middle of the lake. However it's a very hot day and within an hour or two all the beer is gone.

"Let's row back to the shore and get a carry-out from the local pub," says the Pope.

"No need for that," says the Dalai Lama, and he steps over the side of the boat and walks across the surface of the water to the shore, then goes to the pub. Ten minutes later he's back with more beer. He walks across the water to the boat and steps inside.

Half an hour later they've run out of beer again. This time the Pope says, "My turn!" He looks over the side of the boat and a big smile appears on his face. Then he steps over and walks across the water to the shore. Ten minutes later he's back with yet more beer. Again, he walks across the water to the boat.

Half an hour later and the beer is finished once more. The Archbishop steps over the side of the boat and instantly sinks below the surface, The other two drag him back aboard. As he lies coughing and spluttering in the bottom of the boat, the Pope says, "D'you think we should have told him about the stepping stones?"

...


...

And the Dalai Lama, confused, asks, "What stepping stones?"

Why did the Physics teacher break up with the Biology teacher ?

There was no Chemistry



What did the judge say to the dentist ?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth



It's my first time in court, and I heard the Judge saying "Order!!" and I replied "Rice, Chicken and Juice!" Now two Police officers are escorting me outside. I think we are going to the restaurant.

Q: What is the 2 most important holes on a woman's body?

A: Her nostrils, it helps her breath while sucking d*ck.

There will be no April's fool day this coming April, because each single day its a joke...

Allora

Apparently there's a great documentary about the clitoris on the iPlayer. I haven't seen it yet because I couldn't find the red button...