thanks guys for the advise i dont have many people but i do have the ESA community lol

Just a silly Statistic about Divorce...

Almost all divorces are caused by marriage....so in order not to get divorced...dont get married...

Cant give you advice Bruno but I can say that most times the children are the biggest losers in divorce, whatever you do make sure that they are mentally cared for in the best possible way , this will affect them for the rest of their lives.

Don't let it turn in to war.

The most important items to preserve are you children's happiness, your own calm sanity and your wife's confidence that things will improve and that it will be between you both.

Swallow your pride, watch the ego and pick your battles. Don't indulge in the Stalingrad defense of fighting and opposing every minor point that the opposition brings up. There's a good chance that you will be accused, berated made to look despicable. Stick and stones brother sticks and stones.

Remember when you first met your wife. Remember what you loved about her. Remember the great times. While her attitudes and behaviors may be different, she is deep down still the same person.

The objective should be to accept that while the two of you cannot remain together, you can be separate in a manner that does not involve hate, constant criticism, point scoring, and negativity.

You can both become happier and far more successful parents than you are now. Yes, the good old traditional loving marriage is still the best child rearing environment but second best does not have to be very far behind this.

Don't give the world away but also do not penny pinch.

It gets better, but it gets better far quicker if it is started correctly.

Good luck.

perhaps both of you should go see a marriage councilor ?

Hey bru,
This is a tough one. I wish you all the luck with making it out on the outside a stronger, happier person.

Your post just made it real for me. Punting cannot be good for a married person!!!
Being married, I've always punted thinking that what I'm doing in not hurting anyone and is harmless, but reading your note was very sobering.

Thanks for sharing

#..don't get married. :)
If only we knew before we did it. ( giggles) having that said I would probably do every single thing exactly the same again.
#it gets better...start it right.
A marriage breaks up because of the true reasons known only to the two parties involved. It does not erase ,that first glance, that first kiss and all those other small moments that made it great in the beginning. Remember the good times when negotiating your divorce rather than the bad and it will be a lot easier on all parties,especially the children.
# it gets better..
It sure does. Not in one day but eventually it does.

On 2019-09-18 15:09:44 bruno89 said:
Where do i start, i have been married now for many years and have 2 great kids, but really think my marriage is over and i am to blame for many this that caused it but my wife can accept the fact that i am struggling to get over the fact that for yrs she has been sleeping with my FRIENDS and even a close family member, i also cheated with working girls on this site, she has informed me that she has applied for a divorce. I am all alone where i live and have no family or friends to support me i really dont know what to do on the one hand i think a divorce is the best option but then i keep thinking what is going to happen to my kids, i will have to lawyer up and find out what to do

The main thing is keep your gob shut

Whoa folks, slow down the calls for utter war and expensive lawyers. That is how these things get out of hand in the first place.

My honest advice, have a discussion with your wife. Ask her to clearly explain what she would like out of the divorce, let her take a week to work it out even if that is what it takes.
Then make sure you are aware of exactly what you are willing to part with and see if you can find some middle ground.
Do this before bringing in lawyers, because once you do there's no going backwards and undoing it.
You both need to make it priority number 1 that here's no bullshit in front the kids and there's no blame game or putting them in the middle.

That's it, try to have the discussions and work out what you both want sitting down together, if you can do this you might not even need lawyers except for the last steps which can also save a huge amount of money that can be used to set either yourself or your wife up in a new situation.
You are the adults, act like it.

Man, I feel you. Know the pain, especially when you feel like you got no one because all you cared about is about to be lost.

First, can I suggest getting a mediator who has the families best interest at heart. Just to iron out the nigglies and find out where your partner's head space is at and also for them to do their job and mediate to keep things cool and give an unbiased opinion to the things you're probably going to fight about on your own or the lawyers are just going to fight each other for on your behalf while they make themselves rich.

Then give it some time to cool off and with a better understanding of each other and also the unbiased recommendation, try to come to some sort of agreement on how you will share the time with the kids and splitting of assets etc. That should help smooth out the divorce proceedings somewhat.

Now to take care of yourself. Get onto the dating apps and social media and just start talking to women. Get yourself out there and you'll eventually see how many find you attractive and get your juices flowing and boost your confidence again. Getting the first one is hard. I actually had someone tell one of their friends I was a pretty decent guy. We chatted and I fucked her that night and the next morning. Fast hey, but it needs to start somewhere. After finally having passionate sex with mutual genuine desire, I managed to get a hookup the same night she left of one of the dating apps. And so the story began. Fucking all the time, my confidence flying, getting control of my life again, adjusting to single life and the new schedule for kids etc, plus suddenly more money for myself (gosh my ex was expensive) and more time to do new hobbies and make friends etc (when the kids with her).

Don't overthink it. It will destroy you. Move forward and things will take shape slowly. Focus onyour kids and building yourself up again. The. From there you will both grow and then see what you'll want to do next. Maybe be friends, maybe only ever communicate regarding the kids, maybe get back together, but get yourself back together first. Hell, I'm even a better, sorry actually fucking awesome father now because I'm taking care of myself and fucking all I want without worrying about why why 'wife' don't love me. And the bonus is women see it and it's flippen appealing to them. They're the one making moves and when I ask why, it's because of what an awesome day he I am. Hey, I'll take it. But even the ex sees that and all the interest and starts showing interest again but alas that ship has sailed but at least I have the option now instead of being in grief and depression about my failed marriage. I miss my kids like crazy when they're with the mum but I make the most of it when they're with me.