Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman's' leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Finally CONFUCIUS SAY. . ...... "Lion will not cheat on wife, but a Tiger Wood!"

One day a single mother was in the grocery store with her 4 kids. They were acting up. Bad little kids. They were running around grabbing items off the shelves crying and screaming all over the place. The mother grabbed all and said "I should of swallowed all of you!"

I never quite figured out why the sexual need of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts building up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

LOL..I couldn't stop myself from laughing after reading this thread. Would definitely try doing this to my girl.

A boy goes to his dad and asks him what the difference is between potential and reality. His dad then tells him to go ask his mom if she would sleep with Steve Hofmeyer for a million bucks. Then he must ask his sister if she would sleep with Nicholis Louw for a million bucks. And finally on the way back, he must ask his brother if he would sleep with Jurie Els for once again, a million bucks. And so the boy goes off.
About 15 minutes later, the boy gets back to his dad and says "well dad, mom said for that amount of money she would shag Steve's brains out. Sis started swooning and just jumped up and down out of excitement and shouted 'yes, yes!'. And finally my brother said for that amount he would let Jurie play with his clay. But dad, I still don't see the difference between potential and reality?"
His dad says to him "well, son, let me put it to you this way, potentially we are millionares three times over, but in reality we have two high priced prostitutes and a queer in the house!"