Name: Swazi

City: Johannesburg

Area: Bez Valley

Last Visit: February 2014

Full Profile: [View Swazi's Full Profile]

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This booking left me with mixed feelings. But what i do know is that i will never go back to the lady even if she decides to operate from a different place. I ended up here due to my meeting in JHB CBD the other day and since he has a mind of his own as Kanye West said, and to my dismay, he had to prove to me in the harshest possible way and i called this woman to satisfy him.

The place is in Bez Valley. This should have told me all i wanted to know. But like i said he has a mind of his own. So the place is called Lover's something, i can't recall the full name. But they charge for a room per hour. Its dodgy and is close to downtown JHB, there are people as you enter and there's a guy who locks and unlocks the house door for the "Lovers" who book rooms there. Absolutely no privacy!

Anyway when i got there, i called the lady and she told me to wait for 2 minutes and she arrived 2 minutes later in a BMW with her friend and we got into the "lodge".

The locking of the main house door with gates and all, certainly un rattled me, maybe if she locked it herself it could have been a different story. It felt a bit strange given that it was my first time there. But the lady assured me all its well. But i never recovered from this.

The lady looks nothing like the photos and only the lips gives some resemblance if you put these photos in your head with her in font of you. After 5 minutes or so, you will convince yourself that its her. She's dark, too old and way shorter. The photos do not suggest any wide, low hanging stomach and i was completely unprepared for what i saw.

ESA needs to look at this photoshopping thing and i'm sure with complaints about it lately, they must take it seriously.

After i composed myself and trying so hard to focus on the task at hand, i just could not perform. This is where my mixed feelings come from. The lady tried so hard to please, all sorts of tricks which seemed to annoy me even more. She was genuinely trying and i guess for this she deserves some credit. I've been to top/dodgy places with girls with a really bad attitude, but this one tried. I also got her extra's without paying for them. But in the end the whole experience spoiled everything and the fact that she looked nothing like her photos, made things even worse. I'm sure if the photos looked like her it could have turned out differently. She has her own good qualities though like she's very clean, good attitude and willingness to please.

The lodge itself has generally acceptable rooms and its clean. If you go past the area its situated at and the misrepresentation of the lady, you might actually enjoy yourself.

In summary, the place is in a dodgy area, parking is on the pavement, the heavily photoshopped photos are misleading but once you get inside the lodge and forget everything about how you got into the room and the lady you're with, you might actually enjoy yourself. Sadly for me this was not the case. I got out of there ASAP. Bad Punt.
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Ratings:

Face: 1/5
Body: 1/5
Personality: 3/5
Telephone Manner: 5/5
Venue Cleanliness: 5/5
Personal Cleanliness: 5/5
Privacy: 1/5
Service: 3/5
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Will you return? No
Advertiser looked like the Photos? No
Secure Parking? No

PS: To easily submit a review like this, go to the Advertiser's page and click "Rate this Advertiser" (if you are a Gold Member) or "Review this Advertiser" (if you are a Free Member)

Very comprehensive review man - a punt bad enough to fit in a Nollywood horror flick it seems ...in hindsight,would it not have been better to rather go to the Eastgate/Bedfordview area which is literally a stone throw away?

As you say,in hindsight...I normally go to Bedfordview though.

Yeah Lerato, I have also been eyeing this aunty for a while but I know for sure that baz valley, Kensington, bruma are not great punting area plus the cops are in to make a quick buck and are sometimes tipped off by wg's but now that you have described the lady, I don't think it worth hassle...thx mate

Thanks for the heads-up, Lerato. I'd been eyeing this lady for a few weeks trying to find the time to go and see her. After your comprehensive review... I think I'll give her a miss.