A pretty teacher was concerned with one of her 11 year old students. Taking him aside after class one day,she asked little jonny why his school work was so poor lately. I'm in love little jonny replied. Holding back the urge to smile the teacher asks with who? With you he said. But jonny she said gently, don't u see how silly that is. It's true I would like a husband someday but I don't want a child. Oh don't worry jonny says reassuringly. I'll use a rubber

Doctor doctor please kiss me, says the patient. No I'm sorry that would be against code of ethics says the Dr. 10 mins later the patient says again Dr Dr plz kiss me jus once. No I'm sorry I jus can't. 5 mins later she asks again plz plz kiss me. Look says the Dr it's out of the question. In fact, I probably shouldn't even be fucking u

A man and a woman where asleep like 2 innocent babies. Suddenly at 3am a loud noise came from outside. The woman bewildered, jumped up from bed and yelled at the man holy crap, that's my husband. So the man jumps out of bed scared and naked jumps out the window. He smashed himself on the ground ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman I am your husband. The woman yelled back yeah then y where u running.

How to impress a woman:
Compliment her,
Kiss her,
Caress her,
Love her,
Comfort her,
Protect her,
Hold her,
Spend money on her,
Wine and dine her,
Listen to her,
Stand by her,
Support her,
Go to the ends of the earth for her.

How to impress a man:
Show up naked,
Bring beer

How to impress a woman:
Compliment her,
Kiss her,
Caress her,
Love her,
Comfort her,
Protect her,
Hold her,
Spend money on her,
Wine and dine her,
Listen to her,
Stand by her,
Support her,
Go to the ends of the earth for her.

How to impress a man:
Show up naked,
Bring beer

I NEED IT BADLY now I haven't known you very long and I shouldn't be asking you for this so soon, but I really need it badly. I haven't had it for a while and I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and soft. If you would do this for me no one would ever know. I am sure you can satisfy my needs and I'd be very grateful if you would. You must think by now that I have a lot of nerve but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all the juices until it's very dry. I am not going to beat around the bush any longer so. Do you have a piece of gum?

2 friends visited a brothel, the first one went in did his thing, came out and tells his friend...you know what? my wife is better than that bitch...the friend goes in next...he comes out when he was done he tells his friend....you know what? you are damn right your wife is better than that bitch.