Driving home the other evening with Wee Willy languishing contentedly between my thighs after what was close to the purrfect punt, I started thinking about some of my more disastrous liasons from days gone by. This particularly diabolical one stands out, forever etched into my memory banks......




Tonight's punt ranks as one of my worst punts ever, it is so bad that it is almost comical.

Wee Willy is an unforgiving, determined and hard-headed little bastard... and when he wants something, he WANTS IT! He has an on-going craving for some exotic Indian punda, and the other day he finds a brand new profile on our local escort site, a "Hot New Indian Babe" is in our area. Before I can stop him,he has made the call, and the booking is confirmed!

Fortunately I have overheard his conversation on the phone and Chilli-bite Lady sounds quite welcoming and friendly, with a nice cheerful laugh.

But something bothers me, and it is only after WW has put the phone down that I click... I have heard a fucking PARROT squawking in the back-ground!

Now if there is one thing that I really loathe and hate and that is a bloody parrot! Hideous scrawny feathery things that mimic and imitate and screech. They always entice me to their cage with those glistening shining silver eyes, only to sink their effing beaks to the bone in my finger when I try to caress them.

Fucking Parrots.... spawn of hell, seed of damnation!

And I should have taken the parrot screech as a bad omen... but unfortunately Wee Willy was in charge!

And so to the punt. We arrive at Chilli-bite's house and she welcomes us at the door, she is short and squat, about as wide as she is tall, pleasant enough face though, long hair, smooth skin, a little toad-like, and not too bad looking, if you like frogs.

And suddenly there it is.. THE PARROT!

A huge monstrous evil beast, gigantic glowing eyes, lots of feathers, razor beak.... and to top it all, it's been raised in a house of ill repute!
This thing doesn't whistle or chirp or tweet... it PANTS!
"Ooooh Babeee", it screams,
"I'm cummmmiiiiiiing" it squawks,
"Suck my dick bitch" it mimics!
Fucking avian imbecile! And its looking straight at me... and grinning knowingly!

Chilli-bite leads me by my hand to her room... and that's where the pleasantries stop.
Hand comes out..."Cash please"
She counts it five times, runs it under one of those bank-note laser machines, and checks out the watermark and special silver thread against the ceiling light. Gestures me to the bed and disappears down the corridor.

So there I sit... now what?

AND I SHOULD HAVE LEFT THEN!!

But nooooo, Wee Willy is in charge!!

Eight minutes later she comes back, strips naked in one second flat,and lies down on the bed on her back with her dark heavy thighs spread wide open.

I like to think of myself as a bit of a gentleman, so I start by trying to nuzzle and nibble her neck and caress her soft skin.

"That's ticklish" she spews,
"You are not allowed to kiss my lips or my face or my ears or my back or my butt or my left tit or my belly or my punda"
And she jams her fat right tit with its lackluster nipple into my mouth, almost suffocating me.

So I start to chew and lick... for all of two seconds... and then the tit is tugged out of my mouth, she throws me onto my back, slams on the condom, and gives me a luscious licking sucking mind-numbing blow job... for all of seven seconds!
I am totally bewildered as she goes down on her haunches and thrusts her butt in my face... A bit of doggie I grin, and Wee Willy dives into her bath-sized vagina with glee!

But only for eight seconds!

She is an accomplished Sumo wrestler, because in the next instant she is on her back and has lifted me on top of her, and sucked Wee Willy back into her bath plug! She rolls her eyes back, mews once or twice, and then lies as still as humanly possible as Wee Willy finishes the job... and erupts inside her with embarrassment!

And then she has hauled me back onto my feet and is opening the door to send me on my merry way.

Time from entering room to time of exit, about eleven and a half minutes!
(And do remember that she was gone for about eight of those eleven)

Speed dating has got nothing on this chic!!

I certainly was glad to get out of that place, but I can still hear that blerry parrot:

"Fuuuk me, Fuuuk me harder"
and
"Ooooh... we have just caught ourselves another sucker"

Would I go back?

Hell YES... but just in order to throttle that malevolent supercilious self-satisfied fucking Parrot!!

ALWAYS A WINNER IN MAKING ME LAUGH OUT LOUD LITERALLY! I love reading your stories GREYGREY. You still have a way with words that has me in stitches every time!