*ELDERS JOKE*.
*****************
*Grandma & grandpa were watching healing service on TV. Pastor told all who wanted to be healed to put one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part that wanted healing*.
*Grandma slowly put one hand on the TV and the other on her arthritic shoulder. Grandpa too got up, put one hand on the TV and the other on his private part. Grandma looked @ him and says... "Dear I guess you just don't get it, do you? The purpose is to heal the sick, NOT to raise the dead"!!* Lol :) :) :)

lolz :) Dead D*

1. What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant;
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant;
Panic is when both are pregnant!

2. Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away!

3. A young boy asks his Dad: "What is the difference between confident and confidential?
Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that is confidential!

4. A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman ;
"Which book has helped you most in your life?"
The woman replied , "My husband's cheque book!"

5. A prospective husband in a book store: Do you have a book called, Husband the Master of the House? Sales Girl : "Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!"

6. Someone asked an old man : "Even after 70 years, you still call your wife Darling, Honey, Love." What's the secret?"
Old man : I forgot her name and I'm scared to ask her!


7. Wife : I wish I was a newspaper. So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband : I too wish that you were a newspaper. So I could have a new one every day!