It was that time of year again.

Last year this time he promised himself it would be different in the new year and instead of looking in on sites where women sold their time for a price he was prepared to pay for, he had hoped he would have moved on to something different.

Something less needy.

Something less empty feeling and purposeless.

And there he was. Still looking in . Still searching for that something.

His thoughts drifting .... a whole year flashing through his mind. There was so much that bought a painful grip to his chest and he closed his eyes tighter than tight.

It was that lonely feeling that hurt. He had done so much in the past year. Seen so much. Laughed so much. Learnt so much.
What was it that made him feel so disillusioned. What was it that had him, once again, seeking a paid companion to share the happy grace of a festive season supposedly joyous and full of cheer.

It was him.

He loved the freedom of "solo" ....when he was busy and everybody around him was busy with him.
Their times criss-crossing in mutual ways of satisfied "action and reaction". Their laughs and interests mutual and enjoyed. When going home to an empty house , his exhaustion from a full day of work ,left very little time for introspection.

He flirted.
He fucked

....many...and then went on his merry way .

Now....now when homes were shared in company of loved ones, even family members irritating, his house remained silent.

Why?

Because he knew he had no courage to put himself out there. Nothing seemed to draw him in and when it did, he cared not to make an effort.

Opportunity presented.
Opportunity lost.

Once again he had to promise himself it would be different.

And thus another year like many passed to fuck that woman of choice. Laugh with her .Lose himself in her soft curves and imagine himself in love.

How wonderful it would be if only he knew how to fall in love.


How wonderful it would be if he believed she could fall in love with him...unconditionally.

"Hey there." He said, as she answered the phone.

"Hey there stranger. Long time no hear." Said she, hearing that smile on her face.

"Care to be my lover for a day or two once again this year end?"

"Always." She responded.


If only....if only he dared to fall in love with her.


RB.

@RB

"You talking to me?" (said in a Robert de Niro voice)

Just joking ! :-)))

This piece makes for insightful reading...keep it up!

oxoxox
If Only

Ps However..."Life is like a box of chocolates"!!!

Aaaah....if only .

How right you are....

That box of chocolates that keep one going back , even forcthexleast favorite one, until nothing is left.


Then to market to buy another full box of chocolates!

How history does know to repeat itself or is it, a leopard never changes its spots?

RB.