On 2023-04-12 12:46:38 BurningMan said:
"Please continue the story"
And thus.....
He began to realise "more" meant going to a place he had avoided since his ex had left him.
A space where he would have to be patient, understanding and...vulnerable.
A space where his wallet did very little talking. A space where another dared to challenge his viewpoint and engage him in debate, firing his will to talk and laugh and begin to relax without concern about hidden agendas.
It began to feel uncomfortable. A familiar feeling in the pit of his tummy. He didn't like it.
It reminded him of the broken months, years, his trying to deal with the pain of a failed marraige, the aloneness that came with it and then, the eventual sweeping things under the carpet simply to move on.
It had felt good to be numb. It had felt good to fool himself into a lifestyle of shallow instant gratification that disappeared as quickly as it presented itself.
Dared he put himself out there again. How to find that woman. Where to find that woman.
Actually, what would that woman look like...be.
No use being picky to the point of erasing any possibility of the "more" he had begun to crave.
Then, one Sunday, while laying all sprawled and lazy and alone in his bed, it dawned on him.
He actually wasn't even sure what it was he wanted.
He realized he was chasing "something" without knowing what that "something" was.
And that was the beginning of his journey.
All of a sudden, the universe began to put in his path all sorts of possibilities.
His spirit unburdened no longer on the prowl or search for that something, that someone .
The niggle that something was missing slowly disappearing, the niggle to have someone no longer the focus.
Bang!
She was not his type. She was short. Opinionated yet, reserved. Strong charactered yet, feminine.
Independent.
She spoke to him about herself. Her life. So matter of fact.
She got him to share his life.
In the same way...so matter of fact.
No anger.
Regret eventually faced...and realizing he had to take ownership of his part in a marraige failed.
The mist began to lift.
He liked her.
She made him feel good.
Only time would tell...there was no rush.
He understood past demons and self sabotage had to be dealt with before he could understand and appreciate that "more" he was craving.
It had been a long time since he had truly smiled.
RB.