Posted: 2022-09-19 10:21:54
When it comes to certain things, I am a creature of habit
It does give me grounding, stability, direction and a sense of management in my life .
Of course the spontaneous is never far behind and knows to bring great joy and happiness and new unexpected revelations and paths to be considered.
Thus to balance the both best one can.
The tell.
When in CT, there is a certain route I walk nearly every morning.
One of the main reasons i walk that route is due to a block of flats that holds me fascinated , no matter passing of time. The dynamics , social structure , code of conduct, in a space a few stories high and many flats across.
The stench of sewerage problems pungent and overwhelming when walking by.
The most colorful of characters always to be seen.
Washing lines stretched. Full. ...and a washing line guard sitting in the opening making sure the clothes don't get nicked.
Children. Children everywhere. Unsupervised. From a little tot to a teenager. Playful.Noisy. Some stronger and more forceful than others. Tears.
Each and every unit telling of the person living behind those windows and walls.
A variation of "pride and trying my best" to the "I am lost" as well as "no self pride at all".
Right across the road is a fresh food market. One of those very European CT gems.
Talk about polar opposites.
Weekends that road becomes a nightnare.
This is where the tell is actually at.
A car guard.
A lady with 3 children. 3 little girls. The first time the eldest child looked me directly in the eyes she had me.
I could not help but, stop and ask if I could assist her with her baby sister that was crying at the top of her voice.
And our relationship began there. I think the mother read me for a cow with a kind face and started spinning her tales within seconds.
I listened. Heard. Took it away with me. Listened again the next day and weeks and on future visits to CT.
The tales changed. They stopped and then she began to talk to me. Talk to me like we knew each other.
I tried to do little things for them. All too little I felt and always walked away after spending some time with the kiddies feeling drained and sad.
Then on Saturday I saw the mother and the middle child. The mother looked worn and had lost a lot of weight.
I was told her eldest daughter, the one that had captured my heart was in Malmesbury child care.
Some teenage kids at the block of flats had cornered her and had stuck sticks and stuff up her vagina. Some people had caught them and called the authorities who called the social workers and she was taken away from her mum.
Thus the baby with a neighbour and, on that day she had been let down by a child minder for her middle daughter.
My first reaction was I need to save that child. How about adopting her. I milled and milled around the idea and then felt ashamed at myself.
Save her?
How? When I as a grown ass woman and in a space not conducive to being the best role model to a future young adult.
Yes.
I do have children of my own. Both grown up . Both very successful and I pray the Almighty keeps it that way.
I have never openly admitted to occupying the sensual space but, I know they know and we never shy away from chats about prostitution and the challenges of such. I know it has affected them. There is no use lying or wearing rose tinted glasses when it comes to that one.
Thus.
To take an 11year old under my wing and be honest and sincere with her and lie to her that it is ok to be a "prostitute" when she was violated in the most horrendous sort of way. ...even if she hadn't been.
Scars left for life and a distorted view on the world.
I am contemplating visiting the young lass and then again I wonder if my need to feel like a saviour of some sort is selfish and cruel , since my visit is all I will offer and thus, rather not go.
I am confused.
RB.