SINGLE vs. ENGAGED vs. MARRIED!!

Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, "Last Friday, at the end of the work day, I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made passionate love on his desk right then and there!"
The...... engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only had sex all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!"
The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?

Reminds me of:
first the engagement ring
then the wedding ring
and then the suffering

@glock, thats the best mate, had a really gooood laugh!

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the
85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"We...ll, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for some condoms with insecticide.
‘I think you mean spermicide,’ says the cashier.
‘No,’ he says, ‘I need condoms with insecticide. My wife has a bug up her ass, and I’m going in after it.’

Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her Bedroom.
From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.
She reaches for a Baseball Bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can....
Once she's done,she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
Husband says : "Hi Darling, Your parents have come to visit us, so let them stay in our bedroom.
Hope you said Hello to them.." :-D

John: I got banned from the disco down the road last night.
Paul: Seriously? Why?
John: They played "The Twist" and I did the twist...They played "Jump" so I jumped...The trouble started when they played "Come on Eileen".

hahahahaha....nice one Shrek1504!

HEADLINES:

Local pharmacy got burgled...box of viagra stolen.

Police are on the lookout for hardened criminals...