A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies .

So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'

'Where are you going, honey bunch?' asked the wife..

'I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer.'

The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?'

She went and opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India ,etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses...'

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying,

'You want a frozen glass, puppy face?'

She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back I promise. OK?'

You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

'But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know...there's swearing, dirty words and all that...'

'You want dirty words, Dickhead? Drink your fucking beer in your Goddamn frozen mug and eat your motherfucking snacks, because you are Married now, and you aren't fucking going anywhere! Got it, Asshole?'

So he stayed home.............
........and, they lived happily ever after :)

A old beaten up Nissan 1400 breaks down just outside Bosburg, along comes Danie in a Subaru and says to the driver kom I foken somer tow you into town and if Im going to fast hoot and flash your lights...off they go and at the next robot a Ferrari pulls up next to them and the driver says lets dice...engins revving, tyres sreeching, robot turns green and they take off...
1km down down the road sits Jan and sees this Ferrari and Subaru and Nissan tearing down the road at 200km/h...amazed he calls up his friend and says chomma I just seen a fokken Ferrari and Subaru going neck to neck down the street...his friend relies dat must be something...Jan says dats fokken nothing Boet op hulle gat is a fokked op Nissan bakkie hooting and flashing his lights to overtake them!

Lol, both good ones!

Man from England: We shagged four times last night, and this morning my girlfriend said she would never be able to love another man.
South African oke: Jinne, my girl and I pomped once last night.
Man from England: Too bad. What did she say this monring?
South African oke: Moenie stoppie, FOK moenie stoppie!

‘BRIGHT BLONDS..’

The comedian with his dummy puppet where making blond jokes all night long in a comic theatre. A blond attending couldn’t take it any more and jumped up. “Luister, we are human just like any other ladies. Being blond does not make us stupid!” The comedian felt horrible and tried to explain its just a line of joking. The blond nearly exploded, then said: “Meneer, stay out of this please! Its between me and that little man on your lap!!!!”

.......................

Blond bel die brandweer..
Blond: Kom gou, daar is n brand in my huis!!!!
Brandweer: Ons sal so gou moontlik maak, bly net kalm! Hoe kom mens by mevrou se huis?
Blond: HELLOOO!! Met daai rooi lorrie van julle!!!!

Gariep at the funeral of his friend went to take a last look at him before they close the coffin. He looked at his friend, shook his head and then said: Ja, g’jy wou mos nie aan heaven glo nie. En g’jy wou mos okie aan die hel glo nie! Nou lê g’jy hier, ALL dressed up, and nowhere to go!!

Economics Teacher: Class Can you give me an example of complete business failure due to Professional negligence?
Johnny: A pregnant prostitute.

@ hotstuff Nice one LMFAO

Liewe Lena,

Ek bly in Brakpan, is 15 jaar oud en nogsteeds ‘n virgin.

Dink jy my broer is gay?

Economics Teacher: Class Can you give me an example of complete business failure due to Professional negligence?
Johnny: A pregnant prostitute.