A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She
was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew
very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the
newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay
and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no
one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be
safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a
hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about
ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing
very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, 'You have done
a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town
and kick up your heels.' The hired hand readily agreed and went into
town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't
return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around
two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow
sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.


She quietly called him over to her.
'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
'Now take off my boots.'
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
'Now take off my socks.'
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
'Now take off my skirt'
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
'Now take off my bra.'
Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the
floor.

Then she looked at him and said,

'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'

A Boerseun and his Pa were in a mall. As they were from out of town they
were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny,
silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Pa?' The father (never having seen an
elevator/lift) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this
in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his Pa were watching with amazement, a fat, old
lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.

The walls closed and the boy and his Pa watched the small circular
numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until
it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the
reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old
Blonde stepped out.

The father said quietly to his son.

'Gaan haal jou Ma.'

Man watching a dog licks his balls says to his mate...
Geez, i wish i could do that. His mate replies..
I'm sure the dog will let you if you give him a biscuit!

why are bears so aggressive?
you would be too if you had no pomp for a whole season?

(acutally sounds like rand lover, someone please tell him that jerking off to gaymen sites do not count as a pomp)

7up IMMEDIATELY edit your post and remove any derogatory comments

Things have taken quite a direction change here at ESA and we're not tolerating childish mudslinging matches anymore. We're busy updating the website text, but from today this forum is moderated and will once again become the discerning gentleman's club it once was.

Edit your post or be blocked. Your choice. Blocking starts at 4pm.

An Irishman is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife. He immediately dials 911.

Irishman: ''It's my fooken wife! I've accidentally shot her, I've fooken killed her!''

Operator: ''Please calm down Sir. Can you first make sure she is actually dead!''

*click* ... *BANG*

Irishman: ''Okay, I've fooken done that. What next?''

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says,
'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching,while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?'
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

A gay's chat-up line ...
..may i push ur stool inn !

women are just like PRAWNS .. there heads are full of shit but the PINK parts are allways juicy and yummy ....

A Coloured, a Bellville Whitey and a Durban Indian are in a
restaurant.

They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the
corner.
He's looks so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.
They stare and stare, until suddenly the Coloured twigs:
'My God, it's Jesus!' Sure enough, it is Jesus .

Thrilled, they club in and send him over the best chow on the menu.
Jesus accepts the food, smiles over at the three men, and starts eating.
After he's finished eating, Jesus approaches the trio.

He reaches for the hand of the Durban Indian and shakes it, thanking him
for the food. When he lets go, the Indian gives a cry of amazement: 'My
God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!'

Jesus then also shakes the White's hand, thanking him .
As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. 'Its true mate!!, the bad
back I've had all my life is completely gone. It's a miracle!'

Jesus then approaches the Coloured who knocks over a chair and a table
in trying to get away from the Son of God.
'What's wrong?' asks Jesus.
The Coloured shouts, 'Jy raakie an my nie, I'm on disability grant!!!