POLITE WAY TO PEE

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners,
asked her students the following question:

Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how
would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'

Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Peter, how would you say it?

Peter said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll
be right back.

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at
the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your
good manners?

I would say: 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to
shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to
meet after dinner.'

The teacher fainted..

Sex-Insurance:


Recent studies have shown increasing demand of people not only seeking
life insurance, but more specifically Sex-Insurance.

The insurance companies have formulated the following options:

Option 1:

If you sleep with your wife

- LEGAL & GENERAL

Option 2:

If you sleep with your wife in your car

- AUTO &GENERAL

Option 3:

If you sleep with someone else's wife:

- MUTUAL & FEDERAL

Option 4:

Sleeping with your mother-in-law

- OLD MUTUAL

Option 5:

If you sleep with a Muslim-girl

- SANLAM

Option 6:

Sleeping with more than one person at the same time

- PRESTASIE MULTIPLEX

Option 7:

Taking advantage of the person you sleep with

- LIBERTY LIFE

Option 8:

Man sleeping with another man

- HOLLARD

Option 9:

Having sex on the spur of the moment

- MOMENTUM

Option 10:

Sleeping with your ex-wife

- OUTSURANCE

Option 11:

Sleeping with a prostitute

- BUDGET


Option 12:

Having sex with someone you don't even know

- DISCOVERY


Option 13:

Having sex with a virgin.
-First for women

hahaha... I just smaak this thread!

Lol YEEHAAAAA ! !

I love the joke about the peeing Bubu, it's great, and it made me want to go and shake hands with a good old friend too!

Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours.
- Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour.
As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says:
- Gorgonzola!
- Wait, it is not on yet.

Yep yep. The peeing got me burst out in laughter in the office when i read it in my email! Staff were all looking my way wondering what the hell was happening!
It took me about 5mins to contain myself Lol

Bush vs. Mandela

Mandela is enjoying a hearty breakfast - bacon, eggs, coffee, croissants, toast, butter, jam, etc. when Bush, chewing gum, sits next to him and starts a conversation:

Bush: 'You South Africans eat the whole bread?'
Mandela: 'Of course.'

Bush (blowing bubble with his gum): 'We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle, rebake them into croissants and sell them to South Africa.'

Mandela: 'Oh Really?'

Bush: 'D'ya eat jam with the bread?'
Mandela: 'Of course.'
Bush (chuckling and crackling his gum between his teeth): 'We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, put all the peels, seeds and left overs into containers, recycle them into jam and sell it to South Africa.'

Mandela: 'Do you have sex in America?'
Bush: 'Of course we do.'
Mandela: 'And what do you do with the condoms?'
Bush: 'Throw them away of course.'

Mandela: 'We don't. We pack them into containers, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell it to America.'

LOL! That last one had me rolling on the floor...

Nixon asked Gorbachev if the people of America could do anything for the people of Russia. 'Yes', came the reply, 'could you send us a large supply of Condoms?'

'sure, what size?' asks Nixon.

'Well, like all Russians, 10 inches please', came the response with a haughty laugh.

A few months later, containers and containers of condoms arrive in Russia, all 11 inches, but printed on the packaging were the words, 'Texas size Small'.

Lolol good one dude

Through the ages, men have been trying to unlock this mystery:

Why do their wives, who accept them just as they are before they get
married, begin the quest to change their behavior and life-style once their
vows are exchanged?

Finally, the riddle is solved. A social-scientist has arrived at this
simple and logical explanation.

When the bride, accompanied by her father, starts to walk slowly down the long aisle,
she sees the altar at the end and hears the choir singing a hymn.

Walking down the aisle, the conditioning process where the brain absorbs these three stimuli:

aisle, altar, and hymn.

She becomes mesmerized as she continually reinforces these perceptions:



aisle, altar, hymn. . . . . .



aisle, altar, hymn. . .



aisle, altar, hymn.



And finally, as she stops beside the groom, the conditioning process is
complete. She looks up at him smiling sweetly and keeps saying to
herself...



I'll alter him!