After 25 years of marriage, all my wife ever have is oral sex.

When we pass each other in the hallway, we say "fuck you".

What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
Beat it. We're closed.

Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.

What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years, your job will still suck.

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.

What's the difference between your dick and a bonus?
Someone's always willing to blow your bonus.

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down.
The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen.
She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time," said the boy.
"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. "Mother, where do babies come from?" The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, "Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex." The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, "That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey." The child seems to comprehend. "Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?" "Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry."

Clicks came up with sanitary napkins with pictures if stars, fairies, mistletoe etc and also a small bell attached.

The customer asked whats with the bell?

Click replied : That's for the holiday period

Interviewer : Do you have any prior experience of working with a team. If yes, of how many people?

Female Candidate : Yes, I was at the core and pivotal in a 11 member team activity.

Interviewer : That's great. What was the activity.

Female Candidate : GangBang