Men have the Guts to Try Everything

Postby Saurabh » Fri Mar 05, 2010 4:07 pm

A Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo Japan.

Realising he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.

'I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.'

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.

Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, 'Manicures, $20.00'. 'Why not?' thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a sign that read, 'This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 50 Cents.' The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the pening. When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off.

With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit........ ......... ......... ....... Which now had a button sewn neatly on the end... Ouch!!!!

Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm together and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it.

When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming. Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the delight of the gay fathers, she points out the happy child as theirs.

'Isn't it wonderful?' one gay says to the other. 'All these unhappy babies .. and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves the Superiority of gay love!'

The nurse says, 'Oh sure, he's happy now but just watch what happens When we pull the thermometer out of his A*s!'

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day and to save their parents money,
they also resolved to spend their honeymoon nights at home.

Later that night, their mother couldn't sleep so, she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea.

On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter's bedroom and heard her screaming.
The mother thought to herself, 'That's normal, especially on her wedding night.'

She snuck by her second oldest daughter's room and heard her laughing.
'That's normal too,' she said, smiling to herself.

Finally, She slipped by her youngest daughter's room where she didn't hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it.

The next morning in the kitchen,
after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her daughters about last night's noises.

well, Mom,' the eldest replied,'you always said if it hurt I should scream.'
'Mom, you told me that if it tickled, I should laugh,' replied the next daughter..

'Now it's your turn honey,' she said turning to the youngest.
'Why was it so quiet in your room last night?'

'Mom, don't you remember? You always told me
'never to talk with my mouth full'

A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note - romantic, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he bought a pair of white gloves; the younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties.
Without checking the contents first, he sealed his package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note:

Darling,

I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening.
If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
I wish I were there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.

All my Love,
Hollingsworth

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing

guy and his crocodile

Postby cnufindme » Wed Jan 13, 2010 10:33 pm

A Man walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side.

He puts the crocodile up on the bar.

He turns to the astonished patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside.'

Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute.

'Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.'

The crowd murmured their approval.

The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Credentials and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth.

The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.

After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile really, really hard on the top of its head.

The croc opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. 'I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.'

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.

A blonde woman timidly Spoke up..........

'I'll try it - Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!

A woman went to her psychiatrist because she was having severe problems with her sex life.

The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems.

Finally he asked,
'Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?'

Well, yes, I did once.'

Well, how did he look?'

'Very angry.'

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said,

'Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further.
Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual;
how did it occur that you saw his face that time?'

'He was looking at us, through the window.'

A young woman several months pregnant boarded a bus. She noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing.... ........ ....She had him arrested.

When the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She first sat under an advertisement,
which read: 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'.


I was even more amused when she changed her seat and went to sit under a shaving advertisement,
which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'.


Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement,
which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'

Lmao @ Dunlop Rubber!!

>>> Wife was in bed with her lover when she heard
>>> her husband's key in the door. 'Stay where you
>>> are,' she said. 'He's so drunk he won't
>>> even notice you're in bed with
>>> me.'
>>> Sure enough, the husband got into bed, but a few minutes
>>> later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out
>>> at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife: 'Hey,
>>> there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four.
>>> What's going on?'
>>> 'Nonsense,' said the wife. 'You're so
>>> drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can
>>> see better from over there.'
>>> The husband climbed out of bed and counted.
>>> 'One, two, three, four. You're right, you know. I
>>> am so sorry.'
>>>

When girls don't put out!!



I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ
so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart.



FOR EXAMPLE:



One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't
feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'



I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'



So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
hear..'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman
enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'



Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.



The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,
big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried
on several different very expensive outfit s. She couldn't decide
which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted
new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair
for each outfit.'



We went on to the jewelry department where sh e picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she
was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she
doesn't even know how to play tennis

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She
was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is
all Dear, let's go to the cashier.'



I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't
feel like it.'Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped
with a baffled, 'WHAT?'



I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for
me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.' And just when she had
this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just
love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Bubu said:

'1. Christopher Columbus
did**NOT** need directions and neither do we.'

Yeah. But Christopher Columbus was looking for India when he arrived in America.