Noted .... ;->

Without Prejudice
-----------------


'Hi Mom, How are you?'
'Hi sweetie, where are you? I thought you were
with your father at the Builders Warehouse'
'Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they've let
me make one phone call'
'What happened?'
'Oh, I punched this Zulu woman in the
head.'
'What on earth ~ why did you do that ?????'
'Well it wasn't my fault.
Dad told me to find a Black & Decker.'

Without Prejudice
-----------------

John Deere was driving his tractor through the veld one day when he spots some laaities drinking water from a farm dam.

He shouts, 'Moenie die %#@*! water drink nie, julle poepholle, dis vol kak en kolera - julle sal fokken vrek!'

The main laaitie, wearing an ANC youth league t-shirt says, 'I'm Julius Malema, and I refuse to speak your pathetic Boere language, you must speak English to me!'

Koos replies, 'Use boaf hands, Boet, you gets much more waters into your mouf that way...'

Grandma's boyfriend


A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a  boyfriend now that Grandpa`s gone to heaven?'

Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'

Grandma turned on the TV, but the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the back of the TV set hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's local church minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'

The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom banging her boyfriend !'

*WICOE*

(Women In Charge Of Everything)
is proud to announce the opening of its*
EVENING CLASSES** FOR MEN!**
OPEN TO MEN ONLY**
ALL ARE WELCOME**

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept
a maximum of eight participants**

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:** **

DAY ONE**

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS*
Step by step guide with slide presentation*

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?*
Roundtable discussion*

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR*
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)*

DISHES & SILVERWARE;* *
DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK
OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?*
Debate among a panel of experts. *

REMOTE CONTROL*
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups*

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS*
Starting with looking in the right place
instead of turning the house upside down while screaming -
Open forum
*

DAY TWO**

EMPTY MILK CARTONS;
DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?*
Group discussion and role play*

HEALTH WATCH;
BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH*
PowerPoint presentation*

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST*
Real life testimonial from the one man who did*

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY
AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?*
Driving simulation*

LIVING WITH ADULTS;
BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN
YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER*
Online class and role playing*

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION*
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques*

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES
& CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE*
Bring your calendar or PDA to class*

GETTING OVER IT;
LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME*
Individual counselors available

Meet Marvin,
men's answer to Maxine

Men strike back!
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None.... It should be opened when she brings it.
--------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine
will probably never be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows
Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
--------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something
smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....'
---------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course He'll shut up once you let him in.
-- -----------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's
sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
---------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
--------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men
Until they can walk down the street with a bald head
And a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Quotes to cheer you up

1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry! Just remove the damn
battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like
expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian . Think about
it .

3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,
but what we are inside. So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the
Admiration!

4. Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you don't care who
rules the world! That's called Attitude. Keep on rocking!

5. Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she
did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as
his father did!!!

6 . He was a good man . He never smoked, drank and had no affair. When
he died,the insurance company refused the claim . They said, he who
never lived, cannot die!

7. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles. He's now being
harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the
Crocodiles!

8. So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,
jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage,
slow but sure!

9. Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest has girlfriends!

10 . All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned,
expensive or Married to someone else!

11. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving. This makes it a
logical statement that 90% of accidents are due to driving without
drinking!

The Buttocks


A married couple was in a terrible accident where the

Man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the

Husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body

Because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own
skin. However, the only skin on her body
that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. *

*The husband and wife agreed that they
would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that
the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate
matter. *

*After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new
face.

He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and
relatives just went on and on about his youthful
beauty! *

*One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at
her sacrifice. He said, 'Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you
did for me.
How can I possibly repay you?'

'My darling,' she replied,'I get all the thanks I need every time I see your
mother
kiss you on the cheek.'*

Why we love children...



1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening
when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She
was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a
seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her
struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched
in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen
a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued
writing the report My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask
the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well,
then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please
tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was
barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you
got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old
age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs... One day I
found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I
braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely
turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear
that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had
secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready
for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father
always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into
the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just
wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't
write, and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an
old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out...
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's
Adam's underwear!'

Bubu i just loooooove the jokes u post here!!!