@wit I have waited a long time! No HARD feeling lol

Lol, as such is the great game. They are just not on form this year. But wait, the super series is coming again... Until then I will stay silently in my corner, waiting... Lol

Doctor's Office

There was a girl that came into the doctors office. Then awed by her beauty all his professionalism goes right out the window. He tells her to take her pants off , then he starts to rub her thighs, he asked her "Do you know what I am doing?" She replied "Yes your checking for abnorbilities." Then he tell her to take of her bra and shirt and he rubs her boobs and asks her "Do you know what I am doing?" She says yes checking for cancer. Then he takes off her panties and starts having sex with her . Then he asks "Do you know what i am doing?" She said "Yep getting HIV that's why I came here.

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

A wife goes out for a night on the town with the girls, telling her husband she’ll be home around midnight.

Midnight passes by, drinks are flowing, the girls are laughing and having a great time. At around 2:45 in the morning, drunk as hell, she finally gets a cab and makes her way back home.

She gets to the front door and ever-so-gently nudges it open, not making a sound. She takes her shoes off, again not making a sound. Knowing her husband will give her hell for coming home so late and drunk, she’s quite proud of herself for being so stealthy.

Just then, the cuckoo clock in the hallway goes off, cuckooing 3 times signalling the late hour. Realizing he might wake up, she decides to cuckoo another 9 times. She smiles to herself, proud that she’d come up with such a clever solution on the spot. He’d never know the difference!

That next morning during breakfast the husband looked at his wife, who was obviously hungover, and asked, “So… what time did you get in last night?”

“Oh, right around midnight, just like I said,” she replied. The husband didn’t seem disturbed at all. Her plan had worked!

“Well,” he said, “I think we need a new cuckoo clock.”

“Why do you say that?” she asked.

“Because last night the one we have cuckooed 5 times, then said ‘oh shit,’ cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, then tripped over the coffee table and farted.”

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

Dr. Marc Faber, the leading investment guru, concluded his annual bulletin with the following comments.

"If SARS issues each of us an average R3,620 in tax refunding and we spend that money at the shopping centres or buy Springbok jersies, the money all goes to China. We spend it on petrol it all goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer, it will go to India . The Philips TV factory at Martindale closed down years ago - buy a TV and the money goes to Korea. If we purchase fruits and vegetables it will all go to Israel and Kenya. If we purchase a good car, it will all go to Germany . If we purchase useless crap, it will all go to Taiwan and none of it will help the struggling South African economy.

The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it all on prostitutes, dagga, wine and beer, since these are the only products still produced in SA..

Let's continue keeping it PROUDLY SOUTH AFRICAN"

Miss Primrose is teaching a grade one class, and the day's verbal homework exercise is to explain to the class one thing that their fathers are good at. So off they go, and the next day they are standing up, one at a time, telling the class of their father's special powers. Now therd are numerous standard answers, Spanner Steve's dad can hear what wrong with your car when you are still 2 km away, van der merwe's dad can arrest 5 people just by looking at them, Sipho's dad can make funds dissapear out of municipal funds, and so forth. Lastly it was Brakpan Bennie's turn. He stands up, clears his throat and tell the class : "My dad eats lightbulbs". Now this shocked and awed the class. So miss Primrose asks him to please elaborate a little bit more, to which Brakpan Bennie replies: "Every night I hear my dad tell my mom: 'turn off the light, I want to eat it'!"

A relieving high school teacher walks into her classroom on the Monday morning and see message on the board saying:

Jimmy Pool has the biggest tool in this entire school.

Furious with this the teacher shouts; Who is Jimmy Pool? With an embarrassed face Jimmy Pool gets up in the back of the class. The teachers shouts; Shame on you, you are staying after school today.

The next day the teacher walks into her classroom and sees a new message;

It pays to advertise....

Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered.
Instead of explaining things to Johnny she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did, and the following morning Johnny described everything to his mother:
"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started to kiss and hug her, I figured sis must be getting sick because her face started looking funny.
He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart,just like the doctor would. Except he's not as good as the doctor, because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. He was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been getting cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time, sis got toward the end of the couch. This was when the fever started. I know it was a fever because sis told him she was really HOT. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick.... a big eel had got inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there about 9 inches long. HONEST!Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When sis saw it she got really scared. Her eyes got big and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. I should tell her about the ones I saw at the lake! Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by bitting its head off. All of a sudden, she made a noise and let the eel go... I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eels head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on it. And he helped by laying on the top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing it between them. After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend sat up and sure enough they had killed the eel...
I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went on courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. And by golly, the eel wasn't dead after all. It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats.... they have nine lives or something. This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After about 35 minutes of struggle, they finally killed the eel. I know it was dead this time because I saw sis's boyfriend peel off the skin and flush it down the toilet. ""Mother fainted."