A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.
"Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.
"Yes, I do," she replied.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making out?"
"Yes, I remember."
"Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?'"
"Yes, I do," she said.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "You know...I would have gotten out today."

Wow guys what a way to start the Monday thanks to all with the awesome jokes lmao

Lmao @ Roybash and whoremonger.

I'm going to watch my wedding video later "backwards". I love the end bit when she takes the ring off, goes back down the aisle and jumps in the car.

Did you hear the one about a guy whose wife left him for a
tractor salesman?
She gave him a "John Deere" letter!


There are four types of sex in a marriage:

Kitchen Sex:
This is at the beginning of the marriage; you'll have sex
anywhere, anytime, any room. Hence, in the kitchen.

Bedroom Sex:
You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you must
only do it in the bedroom.

Hallway Sex:
This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say
"Fuck you."

Courtroom Sex:
This is when you get divorced and your spouse fucks you
in front of everyone in court.

Following Obama's visit to South Africa, Jacob Zuma went over to see him for dinner at the White House.

After drinking several glasses of champagne, he asked his host if he could use his personal bathroom.

When he entered Obama's private toilet, he was astonished to see that they had a golden urinal! Wow!

The next day, Zuma told his wife (one of the wives!) about the urinal in Obama 's private lavatory.

"Just think,' he said, 'maybe I should get a gold urinal too, using South African gold and paid for by the taxpayers.

But on the other hand I'm worried that it may be just a bit too self indulgent, what with the hoohaa over Nkandla... even for a rogue like me!"

Later in the week, when his wife had lunch with Michelle Obama, she told Michelle how impressed her husband had been when he discovered that Obama had a gold urinal in his private bathroom.

Later that day, when Obama got home, Michelle smiled and said to Obama.....

"I found out who pissed in your saxophone !! "

I couldn't help but over-hear two guys in their mid-twenties
while sitting at the bar last night.

One of the guys says to his buddy: "Man you look tired."

His buddy says: "Dude I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I
have sex all the time. I just don't know what to do."

A fellow about my age (55+), sitting a couple of stools
down, also overheard the conversation. He looked over at
the two young men and with the wisdom of years says:
"Marry her. That'll put a stop to that shit."

On 2015-09-14 12:14:07 daporra said:
Later that day, when Obama got home, Michelle smiled and said to Obama.....

"I found out who pissed in your saxophone !! "

LMFAO...Priceless!!!"Music to my ears"...Enjoyed that one!

Lmao lekker lag ek nou thanx @ dappora and whoremonger for the belly laughs I just had

'ere goes mate !

Q: What do you get when you cross a hooker with a systems engineer?

A: A fuckin know-it-all!

Q: What do you call kids born in whorehouses?

A: Brothel sprouts.