On 2025-02-03 20:01:51 Miss Red ( Louise ) said:
Be careful what you wish for.. before rubbing that magic lamp , or tossing coin in a pond or wishing on a star.. consider carefully;)

Love, parnerships and marriage seems easy looking from the outside in.

We all think and believe he loves me as i am or i love him as he is thats all that matters.

The you he loves now and the he you love now will have forever changed in a few months and will be changing constantly as time passes by.

You need to be prepared to not only love your own changes as time passes on but also the changes of a partner.

Some of those changes dont always line up in harmony with that of a partner and there "the for better or worse part' gets tested to its limits.. how much are you willing to sacrifice of yourself to embrace that change and restore harmony again.

The "sickness and in health part" later in life and sometimes even long before we expect it to kick in are probably the most challenging.

How much do you want to be a wife or husband.. because when sickness knocks in the door..you are the next of kin and you would be solely responsible to keep your partner motivated, comfortable etc.

This is but two very challenging aspects of becoming someones wife or husband..

We had not even touched on children, finances, work, inlaws etc that all need to be navigate while loving your partner and being that wife or husband that you wished to be.

Yes its beautiful you will never be alone, you will have a "best friend", "a lover" , "a caregiver", "a provider", "a companion" a partner in all things in house, if you both manage to navigate the constant change successfully.

I think years ago it was easier for people to keep loving each other no matter what the challenges and changes where. Today i think its a lot harder. Social media and the bombardment of outside opinions and "idiologies" of how it should be or what is acceptable or not has people giving up way easier and heading to divorce courts much faster that was the norm way then.

The words.."for better or worse , in sickness and in health" had more meaning and believe and promise behind it than it seems to have today.

I do sincerely wish you to find that one that will be you "till death do us part" so you can be that wife you want to be.

I always love reading your replies. So well thought through.

dear Jazmine,
i'll skip the philosophy about marriage. being a wife...here goes.
You have to start talking to men. in the gym, in the shops, men without THOSE rings of course.
We hurt because women took us for a ride.
so you need to build trust. TALK, ask questions , e.g. isyour technique right, in the gym. When buying food, ask advise or what the guy next to you, favorite coffee is.
sitting and waiting is hoping for miracles.
What you do today determines your tomorrow.
go play paddle, squash, golf, get a hobby men are interested in.

I have my view points care for some coffee.

It's individual jasmine. U brave to state what you feel dont feel bad it takes courage to speak one's mind rather than hiding from it.
Truth is lots of us don't know what we want we desire who we want to be with or why or sometimes that person don't see us way we see them. Just go with the flow itlle take you where you need to go and exactly at when,where,how.

You might be struggling just because our society has just evolved to one that makes marriage mostly unnecessary (unless you are set on making a family one could argue). Women don't need us anymore because they can just make their own money and marriage is a big risk to men. It limits both people's freedom but doesn't guarantee an upside.

I've just accepted I'm never going to marry. Most married men (not all of them) I've met have blatantly advised me note to and were clearly unhappy. So the chances of it going well appear to be low.

That being said some of my friends my age are married, but they don't talk about it so I don't know if it's going well. And one of my friends is with her high-school sweetheart. They been together for 2 decades and co-own properties and everything. But they aren't married. They seem quite happy.

The evergreen contract ...

When the love, emotions, etc dissipate you left with the commitments.

"Till death do us part" ... seems a bit unreasonable for any human being.

No business ever enters into an evergreen contract.

Wondering if marriage should be the same. Have a set timeframe, with an option to renew.

"Do you take xxxx to be your lawfully wedded husband for 5 years, with the option to renew"

That way it comes to a natural end after a certain period and an no need to waste money of divorce attorneys who milk the situation. Rather have one upfront to draw up the contractual terms and the manner in which assets and responsibilities will be divided on separation. After 5 years you can renew on the same terms, or make adjustments based on your experience over the previous 5 years; or part ways amicably if agreement can't be reached.

It's way to easy to get into a marriage and way to hard to get out; and when you mix with love, feeling, etc, it's complicates it even more.