God bless the Irish!

The Irish never hesitate to come to the aid of their fellowman ... air passengers, in this case!

Shortly after take-off on an outbound, evening Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston , the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."

When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat, will receive free and unlimited drinks for the duration of our 10 hour flight.

Her next announcement came about 2 hours later: "If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available."

Fred

Kallie en Mike loop verby 'n kroeg en raak dorstig, maar hulle het nie veel geld nie. Tussen die twee skraap hulle R10 bymekaar. "Wag" s Mike, "ek het 'n plan." Hy gaan by die slaghuis langsaan in en kom terug met 'n stuk wors. "Is jy mal?" vra Kallie. "Nou't ons niks." "Hou op worry en volg my" s Mike.
Hulle gaan by die kroeg in en Mike bestel twee biere en twee brandewyne. Kallie s: "Nou's jy die klits heel kwyt. Weet jy hoeveel moeilikheid gaan ons kry? Ons het nie geld nie." Mike antwoord: "Hou op worry, ek het 'n plan. Tjorts." Toe hulle klaar gedrink het s Mike:
"Hier's die plan. Ek gaan die wors voor by my gulp laat uithang, dan gaan jy op jou knie en druk dit in jou mond." Die kroegman sien dit, raak, woedend en gooi hulle uit. So gaan hulle aan, kroeg na kroeg, en hulle raak al hoe dronker. En dis verniet. By die elfde kroeg s Kallie:
"Miiiikkkeee...my maaaaat, ek dink nie ek kan meer nie. Eksh dronk en my knie is sheer." Mike staar hom aan met 'n waggelende kop en s:
"Hoe dink jy voel ek tjom? Ek kan nie eersh onthou by watter kroeg ek die wors verloor het nie."

Dit is April en die Boesmans in die Kalahari vra hulle nuwe stamhoof "Spaarwater Kruiper" of dit hierdie winter matig of koud gaan wees. Omdat hy stamhoof is in meer moderne tye, het hy nooit die ou geheime geleer nie. Wanneer hy die lug bestudeer, kan hy nie voorspel hoe die winter gaan wees nie. Nieteenstaande het hy besluit om dit veilig te speel en hy verklaar dat dit 'n koue winter gaan wees en hulle moet begin brandhout bymekaar maak ter voorbereiding. Hy is egter 'n praktiese man en na 'n paar dae kry hy 'n plan. Hy stap na 'n publieke telefoon by die nasionale pad, skakel die weerburo en vra, "Gaan die komende winter koud wees in die Kalahari?" "Ja dit lyk so." bevestig die een wat geantwoord het. Hy gaan terug na die stam en gee instruksie dat hulle nog meer hout bymekaar moet maak. 'n Week later skakel hy weer die weerburo. "Lyk dit nog steeds na 'n baie koue winter?" vra hy "Ja, dit gaan baie koud wees." Kom die antwoord. Hy gaan terug en beveel hulle om elke stukkie hout wat hulle kan vind, op te tel. Na twee weke skakel hy weer. "Is julle heeltemal seker dat dit baie koud gaan wees?" vra hy "Absoluut" kom die antwoord, "dit lyk al hoe meer of dit een van die koudste winters ooit gaan wees." "Wat maak julle so seker?" "Ons satelliet fotos wys die Boesmans maak befok hout bymekaar, en hulle is nooit verkeerd nie.

Goeie ene Meg! Hehehehe

Lol, sorry I apologize its in Afrikaans but I don't really know a lot of English jokes.

On 2017-05-03 20:43:45 Meg said:
Lol, sorry I apologize its in Afrikaans but I don't really know a lot of English jokes.

Toemaar...the English speaking peoples enjoyed the joke just as much.

Meg my dear, those are top notch!

Just don't try the 'slaghuis wors' stunt to gain free pub hopping Meg! The barman would not kick you out! Trust me on this :-)

On 2017-05-03 23:52:57 TosKoppie said:
Just don't try the 'slaghuis wors' stunt to gain free pub hopping Meg! The barman would not kick you out! Trust me on this :-)

Okey no going down and sucking for me then lol!
Perhaps they will enjoy the view and pay ME for the sucking;-)
Seems like I'm not getting any free drinks hahaha?!

*HUSBANDS FOR SALE !*

A store that sells husbands has just opened , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch .. You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

*Floor 6: You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.*

*Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!*