Gary, so true. Just means that it doesn't matter how wonderful she is, someone, somewhere is tired of her shit.

Lmfao

Sam and Matthew : Settting someone free is not the easiest thing to do. But I agree, too much help/love might poison the relationship.

Q : These are those boxes that we discussed at length. Not so easy my friend.

Bridgitte : Opening up means leaving yourself exposed. So easy to get hurt then.

Aaaaah dearest PB. How very right you are.
But then......if one wanted to experience true love, would one not care to let the inner "real" be seen.
Extremely idealistic....I know.
But sometime it is good to still believe in fairy tales.......u never know when they might come true!
Xxx

I am staring at the ceiling in the dark, the same old empty familiar feeling in my heart.

Love comes so fast and it goes so fast.

Staring at the bottom of the glass and hoping to make the dream last.

But dreams come so slow and they leave so fast.

I wasn't looking for love, but an angel crossed my path.


Only know how much you miss her when she is gone.

Only know how much you miss her smile when you dont see it no more.

Only know how much you miss her eyes when you don't get lost in it no more.

Only know how much you miss her lips when you can't kiss them no more.

Only know how much you miss your movie date when you sitting alone in the movies.

Only know how much you miss touching her when you can't feel her no more.

Only know how much you miss her when she is gone.
Only know how much you miss her when she is gone.

Time is the one unknown factor that we cannot control. How much time have we left on this earth ? Besides health, time is becoming one of the most important commodities in life. You cannot buy more, it is allocated long before.

So, spend your time wisely, fruitfully and happily. A moment wasted is a moment that is gone forever.

Setting her free is one thing, but time is wasted that could have been spent so much more productively.

Bridgitte , the romantic me would like to believe in the fairy tale ending. But the new cynical me is refusing to budge. The 5 stages of grief have been done, so acceptance is now the norm.

But then again show me a good loser and I will show you a consistent loser. I am not a good loser, so I believe in fighting for something if I believe it is worth fighting for.

Disclaimer :

This cynical last monologue in this saga is in no way to be seen as a generalisation or condemnation of this industry as I am a part of this dark netherworld, and it would make me a hypocrite to be pontificating now, when I did meet her on this purple site. I am simply getting closure on a section of my life now done and dusted. The timeline is also a little distorted. The first post would relate to three months ago whilst this one would relate to the current time.
Also note that the anonymity that this site provides as well as the fact that I now view this as a ringfenced experience, gives me the freedom to post this most cynical of posts. Anonymously, regarding an anonymous service provider. Kindly see it thus in context.
This is my way of getting closure on a really difficult time in my life. Hate me for it, dislike me, at this point I am closing this book.



And I hope that you will find everything that you need to find :
You have no idea what you are looking for, so you will most probably spend the rest of your miserable life searching for the elusive "thing" which you will never find. The few remaining braincells are not enough to even balance a budget, most certainly not capable of any strategic thought process.



I hope that you will find you :
That should be fairly easy. Look in the mirror, you are the drunken shipwreck of a person looking back at you. Maybe you don't recognise the face no more, I don't either, and I had to look at earlier images to remember the person I use to know.


I hope that you will come back to me :
Yes it was a fervent hope that you would come back to me, but now I am certain that I don't want you back no more. The person I met and fell in love with is gone, replaced by a drunken calculating creature fixated on hitting the bottle at 10h00 to be able to cope with servicing several "clients". Dont want this thing in my life.


I can't get close if you are not here :
You were never really here. What you are is a brilliant con artist with the sweetest demeanour ever, forever playing the role of the sweet innocent victim that through circumstances had to resort to this way of earning money. Little did I know that you have been at this for the last 5 years, and that you are a seasoned veteran in terms of maximising your earning capabilities. My proverbial hat off to you, you had me completely fooled. The exponential degradation in two months was amazing to watch, and at this rate the black hole is becoming ever so close.



I can't get inside if there is no soul to bare :
You have no soul. People with a soul have good in them. Nothing shines through, only the pride in making more money. Bragging about your ability to earn more. Kindly note, don't make calculations when you are already drunk, the sums just don't work out. But then again, even when sober, your sums will never work for you.



I can't win your heart if it is not there :
We were always joking about the fact that you don't have a heart. Well, many a true word spoken in jest. You have no heart. So there is no way that anyone can win your heart. No wonder you go through boyfriends like condoms, to be used and then discarded.


I can't fix you :
Some things in life are meant to be broken. It cannot be fixed, not with the best intentions in the world. You are broken down to the point where alcoholism has kicked in apart from all your other many flaws. You are simply not even worth the effort to try and fix, it would be senseless even trying. I dont want to fix you no more.



I can't save you, it is something you have to do yourself :
You have been living your live a lie, starting early on in life, but specifically 5 years ago when you entered this prostitution business, and just so that we are clear, prostitution is the receiving of monetary rewards for sexual gratification, so yes, even if you only do "massages", you are still a prostitute. A frog with a crown and a princess's dress is still just a frog.
You are a liar, you have lied to me on numerous occasions, and knowing that lying is the one thing that I never do. Always be truthful. You could not live up to that. I can't save someone that has no desire to be saved.


So I will let you go, I will set you free. And when you see what you need to see, when you find you, come back to me :
You can try and find yourself, but I doubt you can. Be free, but you are chained to your choice of earning a living, getting up in the morning, preparing to drive to work, buying the bottle of alcohol, start drinking at 10h00 justy to be able to face the day, seeing the "clients" coming in, servicing them, being groped and probed by anyone having a few extra rands to spend on a prostitute, drinking some more, smoking that cigarette, not realising that the alcohol is not going to be enough pretty soon, and that drugs will accelerate the exponential downward spiral into hell. Lying to your parents about your work, lying to your sibling and friends about your occupation. Living your life a lie. Hoping that someday things will get better. Not realising the darkness that has already enveloped you like a blanket.


Come back to me ?
Please dont.
You are not worth fighting for.
You are not worth thinking about.
You are not worth my time.

Skol

Deep, well written and very strong words........lol

It has been a more than a month ago that I vented in the most atrocious way possible known to me regarding a failed relationship.

The bitter disappointment of having been found not acceptable to someone that you are prepared to give everything to. Even asked for her hand in marriage.

Just to put it into perspective, I married my second girlfriend, so the dating game is absolutely strange to me. Never had to charm someone, never had to do the flowers and the uncertainty, and most probably overstepped on some fronts. You cant walk into a relationship and think it will be as the one that you had.

So all of the blame is to go to me.

Having said that, I would not like to be remembered for the vitriolic post above.

I am hereby issuing a blanket apology for all of the bad things that I said, and sincerely hope that the Pondering Princess never ever see this thread. It is unlikely, as she is not following the General Forum. But on the off chance.

Why am I doing this now ? I had drinks with a close friend of mine last week, and the Princess came up in conversation. And as I thought about it, when she asked me what would I do if the Princess were to come back into my life, my answer was, without hesitation :

I will take her back in a heartbeat.

Some of us are just wired differently. It has been months of not seeing her, talking to her, looking at those beautiful eyes, and somehow the loss of her is not diminishing. I am beginning to realise that I am a one horse man, and with her gone, I am pretty sure I will not find someone else again.

Realisation has taken time, and acceptance is something which I cannot accept, for within that acceptance lies the concept of defeat.

If something is worth fighting for, then fight for it.

May the gods smile upon me and my humble approach to the Pondering Princess.

And again, I am truly sorry and ashamed for those hurtful things I said.

You are still the only one that I want.