Two cowboys were sitting in a bar when one asked his friend if he had heard of the new sex position called the rodeo. His friend says, 'No, what is it?' 'Well you mount your wife from the back, reach around and cup her breasts with both hands.' Then say, 'Boy, these are almost as nice as your sisters.' Then see if you can hold on for 8 seconds.

Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suction-cupped herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband, 'Bruce! Bruce!' Bruce came running in. 'Bruce, I've bl**dy suctioned myself to the floor,' she said. 'S'truth,' Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. 'You're stuck fast girl. I'll go across the road and get me mate Metys to help.' They came back and they both tried to pull her up. 'No way, we can't do it,' Metys said, 'so let's try Plan B.' 'Plan B,' exclaimed Bruce, 'what's that?' 'I'll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we'll break the tiles under her,' replied Metys. 'Spot on,' Bruce said, 'while you're doing that, I'll stay here and play with her nipples.' 'Play with her nipples?' Metys said, 'Not exactly a good time for that mate!' 'No,' Bruce replied, 'but I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are less expensive...'

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. 'Well,' he said, 'I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's THE night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack.' The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, 'You never told me that you were such a religious person.' He leans over to her and says, 'You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.'

Teacher: If I gave you 2 rabbits , and another 2 rabbits and another 2,
how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven Sir

Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 rabbits , and another 2
rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven

Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and
another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 rabbits , and another 2 rabbits and
another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven!

Teacher: Where the moer do you get seven from?

Johnny: Because I f****king have 1 at home.

THE UGLY FROG

A mature lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company. So, off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly little frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked up and he winked at her.


He whispered,'I'M SO LONELY, TOO. BUY ME AND TAKE ME HOME. YOU WON'T EVER BE SORRY.'

The lady figured, what the heck! She hadn't found anything else. So, she bought the frog. She placed him in the car, on the front seat beside her. As she was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to her 'KISS ME AND YOU WON'T BE SORRY.'!


So! The mature lady figured, WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog.



IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, handsome prince


THE PRINCE THEN RETURNED THE MATURE LADY'S KISS.


Suddenly the Mature Lady felt herself transforming from his kiss.

Now can you guess what the Mature Lady turned into?

COME ON GUESS!






OOOOOOOHHHHHHH COME ON -- DONT BE A PARTY POOPER!

*

*

SHE TURNED INTO THE FIRST HOLIDAY INN SHE COULD FIND!!!


She's mature...... NOT DEAD !!!!!



MATURE LADIES ROCK

lol