CLEVER WOMAN


A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program
about psychology when he turned to his wife and said.
'Honey, I bet you can't tell me something that will make
me happy and sad at the same time.'

She replied. 'You have the biggest Willie of all your friends.'

WHO IS YOUR ROLE MODEL???


Try it without looking at answers. No peaking otherwise you’ll ruin it!!!!

1) Pick your Favourite number between 1- 9
2) Multiply by 3 then
3) Add 3, then again multiply by 3 (I'll wait while you get the calculator....)
4) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number....\
5) Add the digits together
Now scroll down..........................



Now with that number see who your ROLE MODEL
is from the list below :
1. Einstein
2. Nelson Mandela
3. Jacob Zuma
4. Tom Cruise
5. Bill Gates
6. Gandhi
7. Brad Pitt
8. Hitler
9. Cathy du Plooy
10. Barack Obama

I know....I just have that effect on people....one day you too can
be like me.......... :-) Believe it!

PS…..Stop picking different numbers.
I am your idol, just deal with it!!!!

'They found the factory where women are made.

I it's called 'Fatties and Moanies.'

How do these people survive?


ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or
12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(I'm gona try this.....)


TWO
I was checking out at the local Woolworths with just a few items and the lady behind me put
her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the
cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had
scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she
could scan it.
Not finding the bar code she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.


THREE
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they
kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'
Mmmmm - Lets not comment

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I! should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't
get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key
and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk..'

PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned
to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do? Just use copier machine
paper, the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
Oh ok - good job!!

SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency
room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer.....'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'
I'm speechless....honestly (shoot her please!!!)
Life is tough... it's tougher if you're stupid

Inner Strength



If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment

If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct her/him,

If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,




Then.. . ..
You Are Probably The Family Dog

lol

Lol really enjoyed reading though this post;) thanks for the smiles...