A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Priest: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.
Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?
George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!
(embarrassed silence)
Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.
Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

How do you make a hormone?

You don't pay her!

I once saw a man hypnotise 7 men on a stage, on his way to the front he tripped over the microphone cord and yelled 'fuck me!'.

What happened next will haunt me for years to come.

A businessman meets a beautiful hooker and agrees to spend the afternoon with her for R500. They do their thing and,before he leaves,he tells her he doesn't have any cash on him,but he'll get hie secretary to write a cheque and mail it to her,marking the payment 'Rent for apartment'. On the way to the office, he regrets what he's done,and realizes that it wasn't worth the price. So he has his secretary send a cheque for R250 and enclose the following note,'Dear Madam;enclosed find a cheque for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon,because when I rented the place,I was under the impression that a)it had never been occupied, b) there was plenty of heat and c) that it was small enough to make me feel cost and at home. 'However,I found that it had been previosly occupied,that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.' The wg immediately returns the cheque with a note of her own.'Dear Sir ; first I can't understand how you'd expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for thereat,there is plenty of it,if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space,the apartment is indeed of regular size,but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it,please do not blame the management. Please sent the rent in full,or we will be forced to contact your present landlady.....

A dislectic bank robber decided to retire from robbing banks after his first attampt failed miserably and came away without a cent and all the staff rolling on the floor with laughter. He apparantly ran into the bank shouting 'air in the hands you motherstickers, this is a fuckup'

And talking of dyslexia ...
… did you hear about the dyslexic pimp who won the lottery and bought a warehouse?

A dyslexic man & wife couldn't do sex. Were trying to do a 'ninety six'.

Did you hear about the dyslexic homeless guy? He held up a sign reading 'Will fuck for wood.'

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on his face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says, 'Well, I guess we finally answered that question.'

They say marraige is like a deck of cards. In the beginning you only need two hearts and a diamond. Towards the end you wish you had a fucking club and a spade.

You Salary is like a Period. It comes ones a month and lasts only 5 days. The month it does not come, you're fucked.

What is te deffinition of a clitoris.
It is a choke for a cold pussy.

???

Huh?

I don't get it.