Posted: 2018-06-17 14:37:06
Edited: 2018-06-17 14:43:10
Galaxy,I've hauled up another 'Awkward' story for you.
It was'nt me who was in the awkward situation, but Comfyprick, my accountant, certainly landed himself in one:
Monday late afternoon and I've had a long busy day in town. I head for the small beach bar which I frequent, collapse on a bar-stool and call for a tall cold Coca-Cola with a slice of lemon, plenty ice. This bar is a little seedy, though cool and dark and friendly, thatched ceiling, long scarred oak bar-counter, and three large fans lazily stir the humid air. Massive gold-framed oil painting of KICKASS in Admiral's uniform on the wall, and below it rows and rows of brightly lit sparkling optics. That Dude sure gets around!
There's an old man sitting next to me making love to his tonic and gin, and only a few other patrons... a couple of youngsters playing pool, and some old folk sitting on the terrace and dreaming out to sea.
The Trannie Sisters, Agnes and Mable, are sitting at their usual table in a dingy corner, sipping on cocktail glasses of iced water. More 'He' than 'She', the 'Sisters' are tall and black and handsome with muscled arms and wide chests, long hard legs and colourful high-lighted wigs. Cute little miniskirts, fish net stockings with high high-heels, bright pastel bra straps and lots of make-up, the 'Girls' nod at me and return to their drinks. I know them well... erm... well not THAT well... it's just that they are ALWAYS here.
Imagination's 'Just an Illusion' pumps from wall-mounted speakers.
I'm feeling pretty chuffed with myself, I've done some really good sales today... and I have an appointment with Coco Girl lined up for 7:30pm.
My thoughts turn to Coco Girl, I know her so well, and she never disappoints. Images of her wonderful lithe silky body flash through my mind like snap-shots... that strong sexy butt, the tiny beauty spot on her right breast just below the dark nipple, those sleek ebony thighs, that neat purring little pussy that actually enjoys getting sopping wet... mmm, I'm feeling really Horny!
I sense someone entering the pub and, glancing round, I am horrified to see Comfyprick making his way across the room towards me. I try to duck behind my Coke can, but he has seen me already and is waddling across like an obnoxious over-stuffed homing pigeon. Comfyprick is the fatter one of the Audit Twins, the two accountants who grill me so mercilessly at work every year whilst we complete my business's financial year end. He is one of those small grey vile perpetually sweaty accountant types that lives in a world of ledgers and cashbooks and trial balances... and dreams constantly about actually having sex with anyone other than his hand. In fact I imagine he is so needy that he jerks off to kinky smss that he has typed to himself.
Sad little person.
Starched shirt, sweaty arm-pits, layered chins and man-boobs that would make Chastidy jealous, for some reason he sees me as a friend and confidante... after having examined all of my business matters through a microscope. Personally, I can't stand the dick-head, but I suppose I will have to be friendly.
Comfy blobs onto a bar-stool and clicks his fingers for a Cinzano and Lemonade. Ugh, what a girl. He turns to me and grins "Hey White, Watsup?"
He pokes a fat finger into his left nostril, digs around for a second or two, and pops it out with a large globule of black snot stuck to it, rolls the snot into a tiny ball between his thumb and forefinger, and then flicks it away down the bar counter. It soars a half meter, bounces once or twice, and lands with a splash in the old man's beer glass.
"YES!!" Comfy crows in triumph, and pumps the air with a thick fist.
Ja, he is one of those types of people.
It's a good thing the old man is blind.
Comfy turns to me and grins, and I just know that a weak joke is coming: "Hey White, where do you find a Pa-poose?"
I'm Comfy's 'MATE'... his 'DUDE'... so I grimace: "Where Comfy?"
"In a P-Pantie!!!" Comfy laughs so hard I fear he is about to have a coronary heart attack.
His next question catches me totally off-guard. He lowers his voice conspiratorially and: "White, do you ever PUNT?"
I almost choke into my Coke glass but manage a composed: "Punt? Punt? I've never gambled in my life"
He drops his voice a couple of decibels lower and whispers: "Nooo White, I mean PUNT... have you ever been with a hooker?" His eyes bulging, his smirk lecherous, his nostrils flaring like a rampant stallion!
"A HOOKER?" I gasp out as loud as I can.
Blind Dude turns in our direction and grins, and over in the corner The Trannie Sister's ears prick up visibly... and they turn and look over at us with interest.
Comfy is so embarrassed he almost vanishes between the floor boards... although he can't, his man-boobs are too large. He has left his gold-rimmed spectacles on the bar counter, and sly as they come, I quickly pocket them.
Comfy recovers and I put my arm around his shoulders and draw him to me all paternal, Man-to-Man and concerned: "Nooo, Comfy, I've never been with a hooker, I am married you know!"
"But would YOU like to try one Comfy? In fact I just happen to know two who live REAL close by. You see those two hot chics over there in the corner, let me see what I can organize for you my friend... Oh and it will be on me... as a big thank-you for all your help at work!"
Comfyprick beams like a Cheshire Cat fucking another Cheshire Cat, and nods his head: "Yes, Yes, Yes... Oooo YES PLEASE Mr White!!" He stares across at the two Ladies myopically... he is as blind as a fucking bat without his glasses on.
I saunter across the bar to the Ladies: "Hi Girls, won't you take my friend over there back to your place and show him a good time... he likes it ROUGH and DEEP and HARD and FAST!"
I drop a large wad of R100 notes on the table in front of them.(Fok, it's only money... and I'll put the bill on the company entertainment account anyway!)
I smile devilishly to myself, and as I leave the room I look back and notice that Comfy has a hard-on from hell... and Agnes and Mable are honing in on him.
I'm out of here... Coco Girl is waiting!
And, as usual, Coco Girl was exquisite again tonight, I think I just gotta marry this flippin chic.
Mmmm... I wonder how Comfyprick is doing?