Little Tommy goes to his mom and asks, "Mom, can I take the dog for a walk?"

His mom replies, "Not now, Tommy. She's in heat."

"What's heat?" he asks.

"Your dad's in the garage. Go ask him."

Tommy finds his dad in the garage. He says, "Dad, I wanna take Daisy for a walk but mom says she's in heat and to ask you."

Tommy's dad thinks for a minute, then says, "Bring Daisy over here."

His dad pours some gasoline on a towel and rubs it all over Daisy's hindquarters to mask the scent.

Then he says, "Okay, you can take her to the end of the block and back, but that's all. Don't stop, and come right back."

Ten minutes later Tommy is back, but without Daisy.

"Where's the dog?" his father asks.

"Well, when we got to the end of the block Daisy ran out of gas, so another dog is pushing her home."

A ship wrecks onto a deserted island

Two guys and a girl survive. Since they don't have anything to do all day besides eating and sleeping, they just have sex. Eventually the girl gets sick and dies. The two men don't know what to do with themselves anymore, so they keep having sex.

After a few days of sex, they feel guilty about what they've been doing...




so they bury her.

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

In a panic and realizing there was no time for her lover to get away, she said, "Hurry, stand in the corner."


He dis so and she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder.

Then she whispered to him, "Don't move until I tell you to. Just shut your eyes and pretend you're a statue."

At that moment, her husband walked into the room. "What's this, honey?" he asked.

"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied as nonchalantly as she could. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.

Then around three o'clock in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and came back with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

"Here," he said to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days and nobody offered me so much as a glass of water."

What is long, hard and full of seamen?


A submarine.

Middle aged man walks into the living room naked.

Wife asks: "Why are you naked?"

Husband replies: "I'm wearing my birthday suit."

Wife says: "Well then go and fucking iron it."

A guy and girl had sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

A good recipe for vegetarians.
1. Put spinach in water and boil to 30 degrees.
2. Throw away spinach.
3. Cook a big steak.

Man buys his wife some flowers..........
Wife says thank you. I except you want me to open my legs now.
Man responses............ why have you not got a vase

What does tofu and a dildo have in common?

They're both meat substitutes.

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.

As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*ck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."