Beggar - Give me food.
Man - I'll give u Scotch.
Beggar - i don't drink.
Man - i will give u cigarette.
Beggar - i don't smoke.
Man - i will take u to d races.
Beggar - i don't gamble.
Man - i will take you to a strip club.
Beggar - no i love only my wife.
Man - i'll give u food, but first u have to come to my house.
Beggar - why?
Man - my wife should see and learn what happens to a man who doesn't drink, smoke, gamble and only loves his wife...

From the Archives:

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.

First was a butcher,with smart wit,
using a knife,he gave it a slit,

Second was a carpenter,strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,he gave it a hole,

Third was a tailor,tall and thin,
by using red velvet,he lined it within,

Fourth was a hunter,short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,he lined it without,

Fifth was a fisherman,nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,

Sixth was a preacher,whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,and said it could pee,

Last was a sailor,dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it,and called it a cunt.

Another one from the Archives:

There was a lady from Australia,
who painted her arse like a dahlia.

The colours were bright,Oh what a sight.
But the smell was a total failure!

What did the agnostic dyslexic insomniac do?
.
.
.
.
.

Her lay in bed contemplating the existence of dog.

When I get to work I first hide, because a good worker is hard to find.

Police officer to husband: " So when was it you noticed your wife was dead?"

Husband: "Well the sex was the same as usual, but the dishes started piling up"

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
.............................

Q: How do you know that you have a high sperm count?

A: She has to chew before she swallows.

A man is sitting at the bar, his head in his hands.
"Bartender: What's the matter buddy?
Man: It's the worst thing ever. I caught my wife in bed with my best friend.
Bartender: Oh man that really sucks! What did you do?
Man: I told her to pack her shit and get the hell out!
Bartender: What about your best friend?
Man: I looked him straight in the eyes and said BAD DOG!"

Some Brakpan jokes for you.

If you divorce you wife in Brakpan does she still stay your sister?

What is the similarity between a divorce in brakpan and a hurricane in America?

Someone ends up losing a caravan!

I've named the spider in my room'cotton-eyed-joe'.......
where did he come from and where did he go????