On 2017-07-06 12:27:38 yewrev said:
Not showing interest is a sure sign of outside activities and could lead to court.

Exactly my point, if she doesn't love you then she will have a good reason for court but if she loves you she will definitely up her game.

@Vanilla:
"...men sex is just an activity just like playing tennis and emotions are not always involved"
TRUE! In fact, it is often more fun when it is just erotic and nawty - love has little to do with it (well at least for me).

On being SEXY for your husband. I dont get it why woman dont get it. Women know we are primarily visually stimulated. I have outright told the Mrs on occasions that a certain dress or even worse her nighties are completely unsexy (in as nice a way as possible, later even blatantly). Sometimes she adheres, sometimes not.

And sexy underwhere. My fck. She used to where the most freaking sexy Gstrings. When we went out, i could not wait to get there and get them off. Now it is really grandma type undies. Her body is no longer what it was in her 20s, but she can still wear more sexy undies. Would be a great turn on.

You should write that guide!

Lmao....as Sir Anthony Hopkins says..."Expect nothing and accept everything and you will be a happy person"

yewrev, I'm intrigued and curious as to what you disagree with of the things I mentioned. Is it the flirting? Is it the focus on the wife part? Also, are u yourself married or in a long-term relationship? If so, have you in your own experience found that things went well in the long-term when you put all your focus on your partner? You have not given much details but my impression is that you just blurting out the standard template of what a nice guy should do that's so familiar without careful consideration of how things really work. I could be wrong here and stand to be corrected, so please, would you care to elaborate on why it's such a good idea to ""Start focussing on the wife"

I guess I'm just as guilty of being brief without motivating why I stated what I did. I was hoping that many here would know from their own experience what it is that's to be achieved from adopting what I say and I really did not want to go to any great length and explain things in detail, but alas, it seems that's not to be. Still there's so much that can be written about these things, but I really don't have the luxury of time, there's more pressing issues to be dealt with so I'll try and give the gist of it in a matter of fact style without going into too much detail.

In situations where the sex life has gone south, to "Start focusing on the wife", is exactly the opposite of what you should be doing. This is borne out by my own experience and the experience of countless others, both those I've interacted with and those whose experiences are second-hand knowledge. How many threads on this forum have gone on of people lamenting the effort they put into please their partners only for things to get worse. Yet you would have it that the OP should try this very route. There are good reasons why this approach doesn't work. Firstly, when it comes to sex, women have an advantage over men in the sense that in general, they never have to chase after it as men do? This is the reason why punting is almost exclusively a male pre-occupation. In your standard monogamous relationship between a man and a woman, the man has to go to great lengths to appease his woman in order to have sex. The woman in general will never do the same cause she doesn't have to, you the one that's more desperate for sex and she knows this. Over time, what tends to happen is that once she knows that "she's got you", her natural response is to get as much mileage from the power that she has over you and she'll make you go through hoops to get what you want. What form does this take? Well there's a number of templates that women use that should be familiar to most guys here but in general it comes in a form of you having to prove yourself in one way or another and meet some demand. As a guy, you'll be faced with the dilemma of how to respond to such. Now your natural instinct as a guy who's committed and faithful is to try to go the extra mile to prove what a great guy you are and this is what the standard popular advice will have you do. Just show her how much you love her and all will be well right? It's the same advice that's been spouted over and over even on this very forum and it sounds so right. Unfortunately, reality and idealism seldom meet and that's usually the case in these situations. What actually happens is that the more you try to prove yourself, the more you convey to her and confirm to her that she's "really got you" and the less incentive you give her to also up her own game. If you play this game, you get caught in the proverbial vicious circle and you end up being the loser and less attractive to her. You will actually start to pick up that she really does hold you in contempt and that's what your "romantic efforts" will get you. I believe several punters have posted about their own experience in this regard.

Now this is not to say that you should not be loving and romantic and all of that but this should be done conditionally. Women are less desperate for sex because at any given time, there's many guys willing to step in. Chris Rock states it nicely when he says that for the average woman, most men that they'll meet will gladly offer some dick if they can. However, they tend to get emotionally attached to "the right kind of guy", and once this happens, they not willing to entertain any other man. In order to keep your woman fixated on you, your job is to be "the right kind of guy". How to do this is the subject of many books and blogs and websites out there, there's been some suggestion of a particular book on this very thread. Of course some of the advice out there is good and useful and some is just downright bad and worse then useless. It's your own experimentation and experience that will guide you in terms of what works and what doesn't and I urge all to explore this more on their own

I mentioned several times in this post that women have an advantage over men when it comes to sex but it turns out that men have their own advantages too and it is this that's at the heart of mine own recommendation that I gave earlier. Perhaps I will elaborate more on the why and also the results that I've experienced at some later point but for now, I have to stop. I've already written more than I intended to so this will have to do for now

On 2017-07-06 11:48:17 yewrev said:
Marriage is about giving not recieving, got my long service badge (30 years) some years ago.

Stop complaining, use that time rather productively on foreplay.

My bad, I didnt see this part, that's what happens when you skim over stuff

On 2017-07-06 12:22:52 Vanilla said:

I think if a guy starts acting as if he's not interested that's when he will get attention from the wife but that's if the wife really loves him but if she doesn't then it might backfire .....

Well I'm not advocating that he "act disinterested", that never works as far as I know. All I said was that he should focus less on his wife (and this is not an act) and flirt and hit on other girls

Blaza

I just prefer to be short in what I say. People don't really read what is said in full. Much easier to just skim over things

But back to some of your observation

1. How many if not most of the married men in here use "being sexually neglected at home" as an excuse to punt.
This is a punting site, what better excuse are there to punt.

For interest sake lets see how many married men on here punt fir reasons other than that. So be brave enough and admit to the real reason you do it.

2. There are just as many women complaining about no sex in marriage as what there are men. Why do you think their are more women than men subscribers to sites such as Ashley Maddison.

3. There are huge differences between love, lust and romance. Out of lust men start to romance a lady to make love to her. Women are opposite to that. They need love to feel romantic before they will have that feeling if lust.

4. You don't need to love someone or be romantic to them to have sex with them. Lust and money is all that is required.

5. Why make love to someone that are only romantic to you when they are in lust. Apart from bring paid for doing so.

6. The main problem actually is. Most married men treat their wives as a possesion and don't know what love really is.

yewrev, this time I do agree with a lot of what you say. You say most men don't know what love is and I I'll be the first to admit I'm one of those guys. As for sex, these days my wife is the one begging me for it and it has now become a burden I have to deal with. I few years ago, I would have laughed at the notion cause I was the one chasing and she was not interested, all she wanted was for me to show love. That's what she claimed. So yes you right, women also feel the pain when sex is lacking but the way it happens is different to men and the details shall be left for another day.

Interestingly, I have also been threatened with divorce on a number of occasions when I stopped focusing exclusively on her. This is something that caused me great distress cause I took the threat seriously but still I stuck to my guns cause for me, there was no turning back. Needless to say, nothing came of it and talk of divorce has disappeared. I'm still accused of not being loving though and I have to admit I don't know what this means. If you were to ask, I'd say I love my kids, I love my friends, I love my whores, I love my neighbors, and yes I do love my wife despite the fact that we seldom get along these days. But do I known what love is? No I can't say I do, but you seem to be in a position to shed light on the matter, pray tell, what is love?

Blaza

Sorry to dissapoint you, but I am the wrong person to ask what love is. Could write a book about lust.

Law of diminishing returns. Its part of life. Simple as that.