Having sex while it's raining its the best,especially iron sheet houses.you will feel like people are clapping their hands for you:)))

All the chikas in here with the fabulous bootys,you know,the ones you want to bite into,like it's hot pap & beef stew?
All I can say to youse is "Gurrrrl,you got a great future behind you".

A bear and a rabbit were both taking a shit in the woods...

Bear: Hey rabbit. Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?
Rabbit: No, I do not!

So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

A man met a beautiful and nice lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other." He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along." So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.

So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half-tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel. She said, "That was incredible!" He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along."

So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath. He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?" "No," she said. "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the Grand Canal."

I read it here somewhere in an ESA post,but it's my kinda cheesy dad type joke,so,imma retype it here....

Chicks who charge you for pegging are really strapped for cash.

WG motivational speech: I started my business with just one round.

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him, "Charlie, what are you doing?"

Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.

The next day the nurse enters Charlies room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well Charlie, how are you doing?" Charlies says, "I just got into Chicago."

"Great," replied the nurse. The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously masturbating.

Shocked, she asks, "Bob, what are you doing?" Bob says, "I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!"

If two people with the clap have sex is it called a round of applause?

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it.

She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:

"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin."

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long.

They simply wrote: "Returned unopened."

Friday, the 13th Joke

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off...
After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off.
Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off.
I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand.
Now I'm afraid to pee.