If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?


Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?


A: When he is standing next to your miss saying her hair smells nice

acquire |əˈkwī(ə)r|
verb [ trans. ]
buy or obtain (an object or asset) for oneself. See note at get .
• learn or develop (a skill, habit, or quality) : you must acquire the rudiments of Greek | I've never acquired a taste for whiskey...

The Cowboy's Honeymoon

A cowboy and his new wife had just got married and found a nice hotel in High River for their wedding night.



The man approached the front desk and asked for a room.

He said, We're on our honeymoon and we need a nice room with a good strong bed.


The clerk winked, You want the Bridal?


The cowboy reflected on this for a moment and then replied,
Nope, I reckon not. I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it.

'n Man stap van plaas tot plaas om die dienste van sy besondere stoetbul aan die boere aan te bied. Hy kom op die een plaas aan maar vind net die boer se vrou by die huis. Nadat hy die prestasies van sy bul besing het, sê die vrou "Jong, my man kom eers volgende week terug. Bowendien, ek het vyftig koeie en jou bul is in elk geval te lig vir hulle almal."

Die man sien 'n geleentheid en bied aan dat indien sy bul nie opgewasse vir die taak is nie - is dié wat gedek is , gratis. Indien hy wel almal dek kan sy hom met 'n tjek betaal. Die vrou stem in en die man sit die bul daar en dan aan die werk.

Die eerste klompie het sommer seepglad verloop maar toe hy hier by nr. vyf en dertig kom, begin die bul se bene slap word. Die man stap nader en fluister iets in die bul se oor, Die bul spring sommer met hernude ywer weg asof daar nooit 'n probleem was nie. Hierdie ritueel speel hom meer en meer gereeld af soos hulle nader aan die einde kom, todat al vyftig koeie op die ou end gedek is.

Nadat die vrou die man trotse eienaar betaal het, vra sy so terloops
"En wat is dit nogal wat jy elke keer so in die bul se oor gefluister het?" Die man lag en vertel dat dit nie wat hy sê is wat die ding doen nie, hy krap doodeenvoudig die bul agter die oor met 'n mieliestronk.

Die volgende jaar stap die man weer dieselfde roete om darem te gaan kyk hoe die bul se nasate lyk. Hierdie keer is die boer ook tuis en hy vertel hom toe dat hy die ou met die bul is wat die vorige keer daar was. Sonder waarskuwing klap die boer die man bo van sy voete af.

Baie verdwaas vra die man "Is dit nou nodig - ek het gedink jy sou baie tevrede wees met die kallers!?"

"Dis nie oor die kallers nie, hulle is mooi. . ." sê die boer ". . .maar kyk hoe lyk dit hier agter my oor!"

If a farmer grew a field of vibrators, what would his biggest problem be ...... ?


Female squatters!

If My Father was Welsh and My Mother Hungarian...

That means I am "WEL-HUNG"

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway, when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 10 Miles. He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 5 Miles and realizes that these signs are for real. When he drives past a third sign saying Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution Next Right, his curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive.

On the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a small sign next to the door reading SISTERS OF MERCY. He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks "What may we do for you, my son?" He answers "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."

"Very well, my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door,and tells the man "Please knock on this door." He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit and holding a tin cup.This nun instructs "Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway." He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup.

He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:

Go in Peace, You Have Just Been Screwed by the Sisters of Mercy.

What the difference between "Medium and Rare"?

6 inches is medium, 8 inches is Rare!!!

What are 3 two letter words that say small?
"Is it in!"

One man calls emergency:
- Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!
After five minutes, the same man calls back:
- It is OK, I found another one.