The poor man asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The poor man asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."


The poor man nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The poor man thinks about it for a second and replies, "A pair of slippers and a dildo."

The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The poor man astutely reponds, "This way, if she doesn't like the slippers she can go f*ck herself."

"Give it to me" she screamed

"Give it to me you bastard, I'm soaking wet already" she moaned

Well she could moan all she wanted I'm keeping the umbrella

:)

Sex is like a burrito...
Don't unwrap or that baby's in your lap.

A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect." "Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying, 'Can I have a new bike?' He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike." -- Jimmy Carr

I went to my bank to deposit a cheque, and they asked me for ID. I said, "Are you telling me other people are trying to put money into my account and you're telling them no?"

"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?" -- Billy Connolly

A blonde was sitting in the diner waiting to be served.
The waitress arrived.

the blonde, trying to be polite, read the name of the waitress on the name tag and remarked ' Debbie.......nice name!! What did you name the other one???!!!

What did the left saggy boob say to the right saggy boob?


If we don't get some support soon people will think we nuts.;)

What did Batman say to Robin to get him in the Batmobile?





"Get in the Batmobile."