Good Elf: Why is Santa's sack always so damn Heavy?

Naughty Elf: Cos he only cums once a year.....

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window.
The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works.

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?"
"What's a license?" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
"It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it.

"Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop.
"Registration..... what's that....?" asked the blonde.
"It's usually in your glove compartment," said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration.

"I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car.

The officer called in to the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration.

After a few moments, the dispatcher came back, "Ummm... is this woman driving a red sports car?"
"Yes." replied the officer
"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher.
"Uh... yes." replied the cop.
"Here's what you do," said the dispatcher.
"Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants."
"What? I can't do that. It's... inappropriate." exclaimed the cop.

"Trust me. Just do it." said the dispatcher.
So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.

The blonde looks down and sighs... "Ohh no... not another breathalyzer..."

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The dad said, "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes."

The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. Its an asshole!

I heard the sexual moans of my neighbors gf earlier. So in my best mortal kombat voice I Yelled, "FINISH HER" They laughed.

20mins later I her him Yell, "ROUND TWO FIGHT"

It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach.

A human hair can hold 3kg.

The length of a man's penis is 3x the length of his thumb.

The femur is as hard as concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
Women blink 2x as much as men.

A woman has read this entire post...

A man is still looking at his thumb.

What do panties and potholes have in common?

They are both in the way when you're in a hurry.

On 2023-02-25 09:01:49 Cock0075 said:
It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach.

A human hair can hold 3kg.

The length of a man's penis is 3x the length of his thumb.

The femur is as hard as concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
Women blink 2x as much as men.

A woman has read this entire post...

A man is still looking at his thumb.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!....too bloody true.

Best one I have heard in ages!

My dick was in the Guiness book of world records.

But then the librarian asked me to take it out!

Why is your wife so upset?
- I Asked her when dinner would be ready?...

But what's wrong with that?
- she was busy mowing the lawn.

A dog and a cat are arguing as to which of them the humans like more.

The dog says humans even named a tooth(canine) after us, naming such an important part of the body shows the us dogs are Humans favourite. (Thinking he slam dunked this one)

The cat answered- You are really NOT gonna win this argument....