Why do hunters make the best lovers?
Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot!

What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?
Well hung.

What is brown and swings from spire to spire?


The lunchpack of Notre Dame

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One
rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard
her husband's car pull into the driveway.

'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My
husband's home early!'

'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'

'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied.
'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your
problems!'

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the
window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly
discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon,
so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend
in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had
been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.

'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'

Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your
clothes with you under your arm?'

'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed
right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!'

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you
always wear a condom when you run?'

'Nope..just when it's raining.'

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic
garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once

in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20
bills falling out of that bag."

"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and
see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."



Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money?
You didn't steal it, did you?"



"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a
golf course.

A lot of golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my
flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know.
Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?

So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my
hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I
surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it
comes.'

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh,
by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Not everybody pays."

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer,
'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN....
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're
barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to
go along..

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police .

'OLD' IS WHEN..
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot..

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

'OLD' IS WHEN.....
You're not sure if these are facts or jokes..

Malema is in hospital with a virus,
let's broadcast this message to show
our prayers and thoughts are with
the virus and its family!!

The best I've heard in ages!!!!

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too ‘cause he was gay

???????????????