Ok, so Naked running

Apparently this means running without gps, music and any other tech...

Wish i knew this an hour ago

Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance.
Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.
She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 years old.
He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much.
"I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."
She said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis."
Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait so Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touch teasing, holding one
another.
As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room!
Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong.
She said, "You told me your penis was the size of an infant!"
"Yes it is: 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!"

One to tell/ask your wife/partner:

Me: let's play the carpenter game!
Wife: what's that?
Me: We get hammered and then I nail you.

A lunatic escapes from asylum and goes to the countryside. There he witnesses and few women washing clothes in the communal pond and he get excited seeing them.

So he fucks one and runs away.

In the next village he witnesses a similar scene and fucks one more.....and this carries on for the next 5 villages.

Next day the newspaper headlines read as below

NUT SCREWS WASHERS BOLTS

I was sitting in my office when a case came in.

So I finished two bottles from it.

I was tough, so tough I wore my clothes out from the inside.

Suddenly a tall blonde walked past my window.

I knew she was tall, because I was on the second floor.

The phone rang and I knew something was wrong.

I didn't have a phone.

It was a girl and she was in trouble.

I knew she was, 'cause she said so.

I raced down the stairs and called a cab.

The cab stopped with a jerk.

Then the jerk got out and I got in.

We took the corner at hundred kilometers per hour,

but a cop stopped us and told us to put the corner back.

We kept on the pavement, because there was a sign

that said:"Keep Death Off Our Roads".

Then we were out of the city.

I knew it, because we were not hitting so many pedestrians.

As we came to her house, she greeted me with a burning kiss.

Then she took the cigarette out and kissed me again.

She pointed two thirty-eights at me.

She also had a gun.

She had the most beautiful blonde hair I have ever seen -

hanging from her left nostril.

She had teeth like the ten commandments -

all broken.

She also had the most beautiful eyes -

so beautiful that the one eye could

not stop looking at the other one.

There was a man on the floor. He had stab wounds in

his heart, bullet wounds in his head and his wrists were

slashed.

He was dead.

I said: "Lady, if this man was alive, he sure would be ill".

So I took her for a drive to calm her nerves.

Suddenly a brick came flying through the window and hit

her on the left breast -

breaking three of my fingers.

We had a flat tyre, so I pumped and she pumped and I pumped.

Then we got out and fixed the flat tyre.

Then I took her home and as I was kissing her goodnight,

her father opened the door

and stepped on my back, almost breaking it.

As I was giving her a final good-night kiss,

she closed her legs and broke my nose.

Now I am more careful on my assignments.

Q: Why does Barbie never get pregnant?

A: Because Ken always comes in a different box

@J_69-Jokes

That would be cool xoxox

@PHG733

Hehehehehe!!!! Funny

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A nice looking redhead walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?" The man replies, "No, what do you mean?" She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts and within minutes, a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam-room toward him and says, "Did you call for me?" Then newcomer replies, "No, what do you mean?" The hairy man replies, "You must be new. It's a rule that if you fart it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spins the newcomer around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist and she says, "May I help you?" The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee!" She replies, "But Sir, you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities." The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm an older guy. I only get an erection once a month and I fart 35 times a day."

What does a 9-volt battery have in common with a girl's butthole?

You know you shouldn't, but sooner or later you're gonna give it a lick.

:)