DA...Damn Ass

What happened when ex-wife tried to humiliate her ex-husband by telling all her friends that he had a micro dick?

She was in for a shock when they all disagreed.


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$



What's the difference between your dick and your paycheck?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow.
The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.
The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found.
So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole.
The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my penis and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

Moral of the Story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."

My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house?

I looked her dead in the eyes and said: 'Those motherfucking decepticons!'

She laughed, I laughed, the toaster laughed, I shot the toaster.

It was a good time.

Error

The stork is the bird that brings the baby, but a swallow's the one to prevent it.

If Jacob and Julius were stranded on a deserted island, who would survive?
South Africa

Malema: Zuma which country is next to USA?
Zuma: USB

Russia: We are the first to go to space.
USA: We are the first to land on the moon.
Zuma: We will be the first to land on the sun.
USA: The sun is too hot, you cannot land on it.
Malema: We are not stupid, we will go at night!

What's the difference between a politician and a prostitute?

One gets paid to fuck people while the other is considered a criminal.

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck.

The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"