A Kiwi ventriloquist visiting Australia walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog.
He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Aussie ... 'G'day mate, mind if I talk to your dog?'
Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Kiwi.'
Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'
Dog: 'Yeah, doin' all right.'
... Aussie: (look of extreme shock!!!)
Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (pointing at the Villager)
Dog: 'Yep'
Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'
Dog: 'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once
a week to play.'
Aussie: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'
Aussie: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.'
Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'
Horse: 'Cool'
Aussie: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the villager)
Horse: 'Yep'
Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?
Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me
in the shed to protect me from the Elements.'
Aussie: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'
Aussie: (in a panic) 'That sheep's a fucking liar...'

An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The old man says "I'll have the soup."

A group of old women were on a bus they rented with a driver and during the trip they would occasionally go up and hand the driver a handful of almonds. The bus driver was happily snacking on these almonds but eventually, after the fifteenth handful or so he asked, "these are great, but are you sure you have enough to give me? Why don't you eat them yourselves?" "Oh we can't eat those," said the old lady. "They're too hard for our teeth." "So why did you bring so many?" asked the driver. "Well," she said," we like to suck the chocolate off them."

Whats the difference btween a woman on her period and a terrorist - u can negotiate with a terrorist

True story........

Laughter Corner:-

*This is a masterpiece*

This Can Happen Only In USA ?
-----------
This actually took place in *Charlotte, North Carolina*, USA.

A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, loss due to fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.'

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued and WON! (Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid *$15,000* to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.

_NOW FOR THE BEST PART_...

After the lawyer cashed the cheque, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!

With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of *intentionally burning his insured property* and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This true story won First Place in last year's *Criminal Lawyers Award* contest in USA.

Moral: As you Sow,
So shall you Reap.

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. "Mother, where do babies come from?" The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, "Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex." The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, "That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey." The child seems to comprehend. "Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?" "Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry."

Had a good laugh! Some very well thought jokes.

On 2018-08-07 09:50:21 J_69 said:
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. "Mother, where do babies come from?" The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, "Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex." The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, "That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey." The child seems to comprehend. "Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?" "Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry."

Lol! That is so humourus I love the "jewellery".

Lady Sade

On 2018-07-31 20:46:06 Veronica Franco said:
A Kiwi ventriloquist visiting Australia walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog.
He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Aussie ... 'G'day mate, mind if I talk to your dog?'
Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Kiwi.'
Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'
Dog: 'Yeah, doin' all right.'
... Aussie: (look of extreme shock!!!)
Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (pointing at the Villager)
Dog: 'Yep'
Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'
Dog: 'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once
a week to play.'
Aussie: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'
Aussie: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.'
Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'
Horse: 'Cool'
Aussie: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the villager)
Horse: 'Yep'
Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?
Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me
in the shed to protect me from the Elements.'
Aussie: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'
Aussie: (in a panic) 'That sheep's a fucking liar...'

Lol!!

If you are uncircumcised no need to wear a condom just tie a knot at the end of the foreskin