Betrayal is defined as the breaking or violation of a presumptive contract, trust or confidence that produces moral and phsycological conflict within a relationship amongst individuals.

Quite a mouthful.

Lets break it down :

A presumptive trust : Presumption is defined as something that is assumed to happen. Herein lies the first problem. The word "assumed" is used. Break that word up :
Don't ASSUME, for you will make an ASS out of U and ME.

Oh and don't forget, assumption is usually the mother of all fuckups.

Relationship is that bond that you forge with different people. The one I am focusing on the the bond of friendship.

In life, through our interactions with many different people, some stand out, and through sharing experiences and making memories, a friendship is born. Not many people qualify for that most prestigious title of being called my friend, but those that do, are people of substance, people that you want to spend time with, people that you don't mind being seen in public places, people that think mostly the same as you, people that usually uphold the same standards as yourself.

That is why I am pretty sure that there are not many friends on this forum. Yes we all know about our alter personas, but how well do you actually know that person behind his ESA mask ? Have you met, had a few drinks, had a few laughs, AND, shared some secrets? Did you become friends ?

For implicit in having a "friend" relationship, is the general rule of trust. Trust that is implied implicitly, trust that will make you confide certain secrets that you presume will be safe with that person. For their ears only. And more so if you asked them specifically never to repeat the secret.

How utterly enlighting and so exceptionally unexpected then to walk into a room and be put on the spot with the very information that you told your "friend" in confidence, and when you actually hear exactly how the story came back to that particular moment, one can but feel one emotion : betrayal.

And in that moment it becomes crystal clear to you that the momentary spotlight that shone whilst divulging your confidential and really personal information, must be the only reason for the betrayal of your friendship. No personal gain can be found by disclosing it, except to sink a budding relationship that was so much fun and so unexpectedly vibrant and good, that I sometimes had to pinch myself for thinking that it is actually happening. Now all that is left is mistrust and me defending myself hopelessly against the flood of evidence that threatens to engulf me. The fun is gone, and with it the joy as well. No need to continue, if the roots are weak, nothing will grow ever again.

Was it jealousy, or just the search for the spotlight ?

The end result is that you have lost your place as my friend. Which was infinitely more valuable than your momentary flash into the spotlight. Currying favour.

Real friendship is not that easy to get. It is sometimes difficult, and you usually put more into it than what you get out.

And so yet another lesson learnt : be very careful who you allow into your circle of friends, for you are known by the company that you keep.

I am gulty myself of violating a new friendship by crossing a line in the sand. It is something we will have to address when he returns, suffice to say that I feel guilty. But I was open about it, and did have permission. Although in hindsight that is not something that you expect from a friend.

So mistakes are made, and I am also guilty of it.

But I acknowledge it, and the mistake was a premeditated one, the permission, how inappropriate almost, obtained.

When one is betrayed, and only finds the knife in your back being twisted and turned, one wonders like Macbeth

"Is this a dagger which I see before me ? Come let me clutch thee, for thee are buried in mine back " (WS)

I did not see that one coming, it was buried with so much venom and twisted with so much pleasure that the pain is still there.

They say it is the ones you care about the most that is also capable of inflicting the worse pain.

So so true.

And here the lesson endeth.