It is at this time of the year, when all is said and done, bar the traditional Xmas/Year-end party, when I start reflecting over the last 12 months. It could be seen as therapeutic, but who cares the reason, a year has gone, stuff happened, and the following 12-x months awaits us.

From a purple point of punting, my year was very slow. Deliberately so, I took a couple of months off any activities. And yet, here I am again or rather still ;-)

It dawned onto me that we take emotional "shots" evey year. Sometimes without giving it a second thought just move on, seemingly as if nothing happened. Sometimes giving it an abundance of thoughts, unnecessarily. The point is we accumulate scars of the heart. It forms us and our perceptions and characters wether we want to or not. This in turn stamps a new image on everyone we come in contact with, good or bad.

I have used the excuse that my heart has been to severely battered to ever avail its 4 rooms to anyone ever again. The old chestnut: "Nice guys finish last" comes to mind. How can I trust someone again to actually keep "our" best interest safe?

And yet, this year, unceremoniously one of my chambers were breached, with me only realizing it too late.

Who needs a virgin heart, when you've made so many mistakes and also received a blundering roggering yourself? There are no blank pages, only new stories to be written. To gamble with your heart knowing what the outcome could be, may seem foolish, but keeping it all too yourself, even more so.

Very interesting post.

I must admit you make a good point Mr Shy...

Well said Shy... xxx

There is a lady I once saw, beautiful in pictures, that marvelous combination of subtly sensuous, delicately beautiful while being as sexy, to me at least, as anything I had ever seen.

We spent some time together on a couple of occasions until one day I asked about what looked like a very old burn scar on her back and another scar on her thigh. I do not want to trivialize it but it was the old story of domestic abuse that continued for far too long.

Her comments stayed with me to this day, I'm paraphrasing but basically, she said, "those scars are nothing, the ones you can't see run far deeper, but I would not change a thing, they are what make me, me."

A virgin heart is a wonderful thing and we all had one years ago, its perfection and happiness. However, the scars, bruises and damage bring us maturity, capability, experience, knowledge even compassion and understanding.

That world weary, battle damaged heart has incredible appeal for me. (errm, cough, ahhh, not necessarily yours Mr MrShyGuyV2, although I'm sure you are a great chap)

LOL! Thanks le roux! I can completely identify with your post.

Mr Shy

I was contemplating writing a similar thread about the year that was.

And then I realised that the year is not done yet. There is still so much that can and will happen, so to look back now would be pre-empting perhaps the nest part of the year that is unfolding day by day, hour by hour.

So I would very much like to comment as well, but I am going to wait till closer to the New Year, for I believe that there is an exiting path that might still unfold, which will impact quite dramatically on this year that was. My crystal ball...

So taking a raincheck on one of my long and (sometimes) sad compositions.

But loved your sentiments. So true.

Regards

Peter Buck

@INL: Thanks for the mention.
Waiting in angst on your 2017 memoirs.

Mr Shy

"Waiting in angst on your 2017 memoirs."


They will now not be forthcoming.

I actually wrote quite an intense piece, probably one of my best, raw with emotion and anger boiling over in a cauldron best kept closed.

For in anger one lashes out.

The lies and deceit finally managed to break down my wall which I so carefully build.


From my side the very best that life has to offer to everyone here


Good Night

Me
XXX

INL, there is no other thought that comes to mind now than: "Dis 'n kakke!"

Sterkte!

All of the best!

2017 memoirs

It was a strange year. Last year someone decided to vanish without a trace. Not quite true, I was just not on the invitation list. That after I broke my back in being a good friend and a safety net. Still missing in action. The lesson learned was not to trust many people, too many grey areas in this purple life. That was an interesting lesson. And crystallised some "friendships".


The decision to leave was taken out of my hands by the powers that be, the Russian Bridgitte saga. Banned my sorry ass out of here. I was actually free, and not sorry to go.


Then 2017 arrived. Came back and was free. Then was asked to return, and even got two lovely ladies to choose my new user name. They say that many a true word is spoken in jest. This is so true. I never learn. Surely by now I should be able to learn ?



2017 stands out for three reasons.

One is the amazing friendship that continued here unabated. The most wonderful girl. She really brightens my life. She will be in my life for a very very long time.

Secondly the visits with the Knight to the Heaven. Really had some good "innocent" fun there. Good times that I reflect fondly upon.

Thirdly I met someone that at first I thought was so uppity that she never even noticed me. Thought what the fuck. And now I am hooked. Hook Line and the proverbial Sinker. She just waltzed into my life and I am still dumbstruck and catching up. Way ahead of the pack. Analyzed me last night. She was so right on so many levels that it was a little scary. Never realised I was such an open book. The pokerface thing not really working. Said goodbye last night and now there is an empty sad feeling.


So 2017 was an interesting year.

2018 sure to be better.

For those following the Winter thread, my apologies for my colourful language sometimes. It comes from the heart.

Best of life to all.

Short and sweet.

Cheers