These are real notes written from parents in a Mississippi School District. (Spellings have been left intact.)
My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33
Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days.Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

The Pope and Julius Malema are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Julius and says,
“Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every
person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary
display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of
this day and rejoice!”
Julius replied, "I seriasly doubt that. With one little wave of your
hand?...show me."
So the Pope gave him a moerse klap.


A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention To the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are?
He kisses her every time they meet.
Why don't you do that?"
"I would love to," replied the husband, "but I don't know her well enough.

LOTFLMAO.
My favourite is "Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his fathers fault.
Thanks for this. I needed good giggle to end off a really crappy day.

what has four eyes but can't see?
Mississippi !

A groom passes down the aisle of the church to take his place by the altar and the best man notices that the groom has the biggest, brightest smile on his face.
The best man says, "Hey man, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up you look so excited."
The groom replies, "I just had the best blowjob I have ever had in my entire life and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."
The bride comes walking down the aisle and she, too, has the biggest, brightest smile on her face.
The maid of honor notices this and says, "Hey, girlfriend, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up, you look so excited."
The bride replies, "I have just given the last blowjob of my entire life."

A true friend is like a penis, he stands up for you in times of need. A genuine friend is like a bra, she supports you at all times. A faithful friend is like a condom , he protects you from all harm. A loving friend is like a vagina, she accomodates you fully despite the size of your problem. what kind of a friend are you to me? Penis, condom, bra or vagina friend?
Do u know that the penis is the greatest breakfast ever? According to doctors it has a mushroom head, a sausage body, two eggs and milk which provides nutrients. Thus making ladies healthy and full for 9 months. Besides it has 3 good manners too.
1. Its very courteous, it stands before it performs
2. It is very emotional, it weeps during performance 3. It is polite, it bows after performing.
Send to ladies 2 laugh and to men 2 make them happy and proud of themselves. ?1. Kamasutra says : If you suck one nipple, the woman herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!
?2. Did you ever notice: everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B". Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs & lower body with a "P" Peticoat, panties, pussy... That's origin of "BP"!
?3. Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.
?4. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
?5. Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.
?6. Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life..!
?When a lady is pregnant,
all her friends touch her stomach ad say "Congrats!".
But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!".
Moral: Hard work is never appreciated: Only results matter.
?Now that I've educated. you, go ahead and educate someone else