Have a special passcode between your mistress and you
Never turn your back on your wife while texting your mistress
Make sure your blue tooth is switched off
Give your mistress a masculine name on your phone
Never give your wife your phone pass code
Never roll unto your phone at 2am while texting your mistress and mistakenly activate "siri" on your iphone
When you go for a run, delete all messages from phone
Drive round the office block to ensure wife is not following you when going to visit mistress during the day
If mistress is dark skinned and you are caucasian, make sure her foundation is wiped off the tip of your nose.
Don't go home with hickies on your neck
Use mouth wash after cunnilingus on your mistress
Brush hair before going home. Don't go home looking dishevelled.

Guess who got caught.....

Good pointers. A client had me on his phone as Naas. Another one had my number in his invoice book as a ref number for a job order. You left out 'don't put on your underpants back to front or inside out after a passionate encounter'.

I know abt that dark foundation on the tip of his noise....or in his moustache and beard.

- Have a completely different phone for the mistress
- Have a completely different car when picking up the mistress. You think spy GPSs are hard to come by? Think again.
- phone off, battery out. If you have an iphone then the battery does not come out, sorry for you! Buy a decent phone next time.
- Keep the spare phone in the spare car when going home
- Complete change of clothing when you visit the mistress. If you think that your wife cannot smell another woman then your wife is one step ahead of you already.
- eat sardines after the mistress if you are going home shortly after your mistress. The wife will smell mouth wash and at 6pm, come on, you just brushed your teeth?
- plan the emergency story with your "get out of jail" buddy before hand. Helping disadvantaged orphans... but you did not want to tell her about your softer side. Actually go and help those orphans once just so that you have ALL the details, bring your GOOJ buddy with you.
- when confronted deny everything. Never admit. The fact is that wifey will never actually know unless there is a camera in the room where you have fun, in which case lying is the least of your worries.

Some good points johnd

Interesting, where to keep all the spare goods?
Spare phone, spare sim, spare car, spare girlfriend, spare clothes, spare washing mashine, spare condoms...
Maybe worthwhile to look into a spare house? Pros at work! love your work gents!

@ Derek, you forgot to mention to have a spare wife, you may need her sooner than you think ;-)

@ Derek, you forgot to mention to have a spare wife as well, you may need her sooner than you think ;-)

@boobs, my bad, lol!

Spare phone or spare wife not needed. Not prepared to give up mistress either. Not a chance in hell.

I'd suggest a hidden spare flip number plate if u can't afford a spare car.