Greetings

For the last month or so, I have been dealing with NeoTel's incredibly crappy service. I finally had enough and cancelled my contract. Unfortunately, they cancelled it BEFORE I could get Telkom in to reconnect my ADSL line so I have been without Internet at home (I currently have 94 files in the BitTorrent queue waiting to download, and a further 55 more files waiting to be added to that queue). So I got my father's 3G modem dongle to at least be able to read mail and surf the web at home. And, because Tech hates me, it does not work with Windows 7 (which I had installed a week earlier, in hopes that it would solve the NeoTel woes... it didn't).

So on Saturday, I was at work collecting the 3G dongle and I did a few searches and found a new chinese place near my work. I gave them a call and they had really reasonable rates. So I decided to goive them a try the next day. On Sunday, after a birthday tea for two of my friends, I went in search of the Chinese place. But halfway there, I decided I was just not in the mood for Chinese. So I went back to the office (to pick up a WinXP installation disc) and see what else there was on offer.

I cam across Tumi's ad on GlamourGirls and gave her a call. She charged R600 which included greek and she had no problem with kissing or oral. Awesome. I got in my car and drove through to her place in Sea Point.

It was really easy to find and I got to her apartment with the minimum of fuss. While sparsely furnished, it is a spacious apartment on the ground floor. She had opened the door in some very skimpy lingerie and her body looked amazing. It was lean and firm. Just the way I like it. Her face was not bad. Her choice in pornos however, was terrible. Have you ever been turned off sex while watching a normal, heterosexual, Hollywood porno? No... after yesterday, I can say I have. I had to keep myself from seeing the screen in case I caught a glimpse of the woman with the awful boob job scars, or the fat girl with the jingly breasts or the girl with an afro between her legs.

But... back to Tumi.

Now, her ad reads like this:
''A brand new vibrant, naughty and kinky hot Greek babe to spoil you. Try me and you will come back for more!!! I’m the best, everything you have been looking for: beauty, sexy, slim chocolate lady with strip show and sensual massage to die for, everything goes. Also toys, movies, golden showers, ect. I work alone in my private upmarket flat with a garage, I also travel to you and I’m available 24/7. Tourist friendly.''

So... to recap, her ad promises:
Greek
Beauty
Sexy, slim, chocolate lady
Strip show
Massage
Everything goes
Toys
Movies
Golden Showers
Tourist Friendly


So... I sit down on her couch and she tells me I need to pay upfront. Not a problem (but I have a theory that girls that are really really good at what they do want to be paid afterwards, when the guy is so happy with his experience that he wants to do something extra as thanks and tips; girls that are bad are used to guys trying to squirm out of paying full price and so demand to be paid upfront). I am now expecting the strip dance. No. I got told to undress in my corner and she will get undressed in hers and we will meet on the bed. I tell her I like to help undress my partners so she lets me unclip her bra.

So now I am waiting for my massage. No, never got it. So I start kissing her and then I go down on her. In her defence, she has a lovely pussy and it is very responsive. As I sucked her dry, and fingered her pussy and ass she writhed around in ecstasy. Or at least, put on a good show.

Eventually, I figured I had done enough to warrent a good blow job, so I got up and turned over onto my back. But she decided now was a good time to get on top of me and ride me like a bull. She bumped up and down for a minute or so and then just stopped. So I held her up and started moving my hips just to get some rhythm going. But she had had enough of that position and so she got off and went into doggy style. So NATURALLY, I aimed for her ass (since she was practically shoving it in my face). It should not have been a surprise to her as 1) I had asked her about anal over the phone, 2) I had been fingering her ass, 3) I had been lubricating her ass with my saliva while I had been going down on her and 4) she had ''assumed the position''. But, it seemed it came as a complete shock to her. So she pulled away and went to go get more lube. Not a problem... in the immortal words of Orlando Jones from ''Evolution'', ''There's ALWAYS time for lubricant!''. But, as luck would have it, the bottle was empty. Eventually she ripped open the bottle and began scraping out the last vestiges of the lube in manner not unlike Winnie The Pooh eating the last of the honey form an empty honey pot. Eventually she got sufficiently lubed up and away we went.

And... it was ok, I guess. Not as good as I have had before (even from girls that were trying it out for the first time). Eventually she was down, lying on her stomach while I continued to enter her from behind (I was on top of her). I think I actually had moved from her ass to her pussy. Whichever, she eventually has this massive orgasm.

Which is when she completely stopped trying.

Now, I was taking too long to come. I moved her into a new position, and asked her if she would like to be taken in the ass or the pussy. Girls, if you do anal, the correct answer her is ''OH! Do me in the Ass!!''. That is what we want to hear. We do not want to hear ''In the pussy, I have come already, please finish''.

So we are merrily fucking away, when her phone goes off. So she jumps up and goes to go answer it. And while that is AMAZINGLY rude to ME, she is then AMAZINGLY rude to the guy on the other end of the line (he was a guy calling from the UK who, I presume, will be in CT soon... she would not give him any info until he was in CT).

Then I totally bamboozled her. Since my erection was waning due to her taking a phone call, so I asked her to please give me a blow job to get it back up. She could not figure out why I would want a blow job as we were now onto the fucking section of the event. Go backwards? But, that is unheard of? By now, men have already come and I am back to watching my awful porn. But I eventually got the message through to her and she gave me one of the worst blow jobs I have ever had. She did not touch my balls at all until I had to actually ask her to suck them (I shave them for a reason girls). Then I asked her is she would give me a rimjob (I gave her one, quid pro quo, Clarice). Then she starts talking about how that is extra and she wants to charge me extra for the greek and the rimming...

Eventually I just had to jerk myself off (being careful NOT to watch the porn).

So... to re-recap:
Greek - Yes
Beauty - Matter of opinion
Sexy, slim, chocolate lady - Yes
Strip show - No
Massage - No
Everything goes - No
Toys - never saw any
Movies - Oh god, the horror. The horror!
Golden Showers - I do not even want to know
Tourist Friendly - Hell no.


Looks: 5 / 10
Body: 8 / 10 (her body is great, her breasts are ok)
Performance: 3 /10 (she gets a 3 for doing anal, without it she would have gotten a 1)
Personality: 6 / 10 ; 1 / 10 (the first value was before her orgasm; the latter was for post orgasm)

Total experience: 3 / 10

She gets a ''Try someone else'' from me.

Cheers

Your Gonzo Reporter

Dude, excuse my rationale here, but having read all your reports, it appears you generally prefer to jerk the gherkin as your grand finale. Please explain!

Do you shoot on their faces, upon their tits, or drizzle on their asses, or like my old friend, on the wall while standing in the corner like a naughty boy sent there by his mom? I mean .... all good money-shots should be aimed well.

Great report PST, keep em coming.

Yeah... There are very few women that are able to make me come without me having to jerk myself off. When I find a girl like that, I tend to become a regular. Nothing nicer than coming while you are inside a woman...

Agreed!

Come inside, that how nature intended it to be. LOL

Great repost PST...

This Tumi has numerous names. On GG she currently advertises as Amy and Beyonce. She also use to advertise as Rita, Madonna and a whole bunch more.
Even on Esa she had 2 profiles with 2 diffrent names and numbers at the same time. Ive done a report on her when she was stil advertising as Madonna. She's the 1 that told another punter on the phone to come while i was still there even when i had 45mins punting time left!
I'm still laughing about it when ever i think about that day!
1 thing though... she gave me 1 of the best bj i had in awhile. I hope Tiffany of 501 got great bj skills... ;~>